You don't see a lot of difference between the Gin Blossoms and the Byrds.-Steve Forbert

When I was a kid my Dad built a pond/waterfall in our back yard.

Our neighbors Juniper tree overhung the pond.

Gin is made from Juniper berries.

All the birds in the neighborhood used to use the pond as a birdbath.

Our yard was frequently littered with drunk birds.

I'm just - I'm kind of flabbergasted when you say things like that. It's weird.-Pineapple Express

Pineapples we're 2 for $5 so I did what I had to.....studies on a pineapple.















Oh wait...I didn't take that last one.

Originality is the art of concealing your sources.-Unknown

Anyone who says "you can't run away from your problems" obviously has not been chased by the Mummy.

I'm sad that I no longer have pet rabbits because I will never get to make Night of the Lepus 2. Maybe I can put bunny ears on the cat.

Am I the only person who thinks The Cat In The Hat was practicing home invasion?

Movies have taught me that if I lived in NYC I wouldn't be surprised to see a costumed hero or a monster crawl out of the sewer. In Tokyo I'd expect giant lizards.

I think I owe my cat an apology for having had a child.

People on cop shows drink a whole heck of a lot more coffee than can possibly be healthy.

Do you think if there was an eppisode of How it's Made for blister packs there would be lots of evil villain laughter and hand rubbing?

I spend hours deciding on the soundtrack for when they make a movie of my life?

Florida oranges are so juicy that you have to eat them in the bathtub*.-Unknown

While looking up the phrase "It is illegal to..." and I can't tell you the rest of the question or the story that goes with it yet because I still haven't found the answer, one of the drop down options was "Is it illegal to eat an orange in the bathtub?" Just thought I'd share.

*And hello is that ever an appropriate quote?

If you live to be 100, I hope I live to be 100 minus 1 day, so I never have to live without you.-Winnie the Pooh

Lol! When I dropped off the Tahoe.

A: I read your blog. There better not be a pink Snuggie in our car.

She is one of my favorite people. I love LOVE that she knows us well enough to suspect we'd do that.

The family - that dear octopus from whose tentacles we never quite escape, nor, in our inmost hearts, ever quite wish to.-Dodie Smith

My Grandparents are moving out of their house and in to an assisted living facility as a result they have a whole house full of stuff they need to get rid of. We adopted their dining table since we didn't have a table of any kind. P&A were nice enough to loan us their Tahoe to move it because well it wasn't fitting in a Saturn Ion. As we were leaving my Grandpa hands me a box and says,"Here you can give this to Fiona." It was a Snuggie...a pink Snuggie. Dave and I did not make eye contact knowing we would giggle if we did.

Note: If you like Snuggies that's cool but you have to admit the commercials are so freaking cheesy they'd make a Rolls Royce look like a tacky piece of cheap crap.

On the way home we had to cross one of the many bridges in the bay area and didn't think about the fact that it was going to charge P&A's Fastrack account until after we went through the toll.

Me: That's okay I'll give em five bucks when I return the Tahoe.

Dave: Or you could just give them the Snuggie.

Me: I should totally do that, wrap it up real nice and give it to them saying, it's just a little something to thank you.

Dave: Or we could just leave it in the truck and when they ask if we left it say no.

Me: (in my best innocent voice) Why on Earth would we leave a pink Snuggie in your car?

Note again: I didn't though 1 'cause Grandpa was just trying to be nice and more importantly 2 P&A read my blog sometimes and then they'd KNOW. Hi guys thanks again for loaning us your car.

Why is the King of Hearts the only one that hasn't a moustache?-James Branch Cabell

Leeann gave me an awesome/evil idea a couple days ago. Sorry I had to use the flash but black cat/black moustache=hard to photograph. I tried to get one of him wearing both the moustache and the mini sombrero I bought him in Mexico but he was having none of that and I like having all ten fingers.

You can observe a lot by just watching.-Yogi Berra

Shenanigans at the IHOP

Saturday we discovered that one of my tires had a slow leak so we decided to take it to get fixed and grab lunch at the IHOP while we waited.

While we were waiting for our food the whole staff got all excited, looking at some homeless person out the window, running around finding keys, disabling the alarm on the emergency exit so two waitresses could dart out there after the guy, who was gone by then. We missed it even though we were right next to the window but apparently the homeless guy peed next to the window. Very exciting! Totally worthy of all that hubbub.

Then Fiona decided to see what would happen if she bit in to one of the little plastic creamers. It exploded and sprayed all over Dave and the window. We should have been all stern and told her not to do that but it was just so comical we both lost it. And I mean lost it, the kind of giggles where you can't stop for a ridiculous amount of time and you can't talk and there are tears streaming down you face. The look on Dave's face when it happened....priceless. I wish I could have captured the whole thing on film. We took the rest of the creamers away from her. Dave's comment was R rated so skip to the next paragraph if you think you might be offended. He said, "Now I know how a hooker feels!" That set me off giggling again.

While Dave went to the bathroom to clean himself up I overheard a weird exchange from three old men a few tables away. One guy asked another, "Are you a cop?" When he didn't get a response he said, " I asked you a question." My mind flashed to footage I've seen on a million tv shows where they are running a sting on someone trying to hire a hit man. But they were actually leaving in front of us and I heard them all saying goodbye and it was clear they were family so now I'm just confused rather than concerned that I should call the cops.

Our food was terrible but the tire place didn't charge us to repair the tire so I'd say the entertainment tips the scales toward a good time out.

Gentlemen prefer blondes... but gentlemen marry brunettes.-Anita Loos*

Those of you who are mothers will already know this but when you're pregnant you don't loose any hair. Now my hair has always been really thick so I didn't really notice the difference when I was pregnant but when Fiona was three or four months old all that extra hair started falling out. Now I'm not sure how it is for other women but like I said my hair is thick so in my case it was coming out in big huge fist fulls of hair. It was alarming at first but after a few days I got used to it. Unfortunately I got so used to it that it didn't occur to me to warn the poor shampoo girl when I went to get my hair cut. She thought she'd done something wrong and freaked out. She was trying to hide her panic so it took me a few minutes to notice. When I figured out what was wrong and explained to her that it was nothing to worry about she started crying in relief. I'm pretty sure there's a lesson here but "if you've got giant gobs of hair falling off your scalp warn anyone who might touch your head" seems unnecessarily specific.

* snicker, what's this quote say about Dave?

Sins, like chickens, come home to roost.-Charles W. Chesnutt

Why'd the rubber chicken cross the road?

I have no clue but he didn't make it across 'cause I ran over him.

No seriously, I ran over a rubber chicken on my way to the gym.

Life is odd.

Tweet

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.-Mitch Hedberg

Did you know there was an official Waffle House blog? Yeah I was surprised too.

Ya know how I found out? They posted a link to my Waffle House poem.

I am so amused by this.

Language forces us to perceive the world as man presents it to us.-Julia Penelope

We don't actually have cable yet (they're coming on Thursday thank goodness) so we have to watch what we can pick up over the air. Sadly four of the ten or so channels we get are in Spanish. We were watching the news on one of the Spanish channels because they were showing live footage of the rescue of the trapped mine workers in Chile and I was doing my best to understand what they were saying using my fabulous I took Spanish in high school and live in California skills.

Me: It says En Vivo which I think means live and um that part says the rescue of the 33. The only word I understood there was Barista so I think they're talking about Starbucks now.

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.-Ashleigh Brilliant*

Baby squirrel's are possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's hard to tell though because before I can get even sort of close enough to get a good look they run and hide. Mama squirrel on the other hand stands between me and her babies and gives me a look that clearly says, "You ain't got the cojones" and in that she is right.


*I couldn't find a relevant quote but I liked this one.

All man's troubles come from not knowing how to sit still in one room.-Blaise Pascal, Pensées, 1670

Things I could have been doing Saturday morning rather than sitting around being bored.

1. Touring the world in my very own rock band. Don't let the fact that I can't read or write music worry you, there are plenty of people who tour who don't have any talent.

2. Cornering the worlds coffee market in the first step in my plan of world domination.

3. Create the worlds largest cookie and invite 10,000 of my closest friends to help eat it.

I like the word "indolence." It makes my laziness seem classy. ~Bern Williams

Once when I was twelve or so I was hanging with a couple friends and used to word "grody". Actually it may have been "bitchin" but I think it was "grody" and the point is they laughed at me. Apparently my slang was becoming outdated and comical.

However the fact that I was wearing a matching top and stirrup pants set (yes set) that was green with (for some unknown reason) big black numbers randomly printed on them and pink high tops didn't disturb anybody.

End discrimination. Hate everybody.-Elle Eden

Okay I love Allie anyway, she's hilarious but I was just thinking about the absurdity of people who leave hate filled comments on blogs. Even I have received a couple which is funny considering I only get about ten hits a day, but I guess it only takes one to piss someone off. My thoughts are these.

#1 clearly you didn't get the joke

#2 If you don't like it don't read.

But I think I like Allie's response the best.

Never put a sock in a toaster.-Eddie Izzard

Dear Fuzzy Warm Socks,


I love you I really do. You make wandering around the house in winter a fluffy marshmallow treat. Sometimes when I get in bed I think it is warm enough to leave you in the drawer but then I discover that I am wrong but it IS to cold to get out of bed and get you. Please know that this doesn't mean I don't care about you. It means I want Dave to go get you and clearly he doesn't love you as much as I do because he wont' do it.



With All My Love
Dani

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.-John Gotti

Do you want to know what I'm going to do if I will the lottery?

Well yes I am going to buy a whole butt load of expensive shoes but that's not what I meant. Thanks for playing though.


I'm going to start a web site where people can come tell me how horrible their boss is. I mean the actually abusive but you need the job so you can't quit type. Every week or two I'll pick one and go get a job there and when the boss is an ass to me I'll tell him off and say all the things the real employees wish they could say.


And if I can't get a job there because I'm not qualified (ya know Doctor, FBI agent, ummm person with any kind of degree) I'll hire a singing telegram to tell him or her what a dick they are.


Wouldn't that be an awesome way to give back to the community?


Note: I should point out my boss is actually pretty cool so this is not a reflection on her. I have however had the other kind shudder.

Continued Smartypantsness (It's a word)

Remember the lemons yesterday? Good. Today someone brought in a bag of oranges (maybe the same person I don't know) and replaced the lemons but left the notes. Someone who must not have seen yesterdays lemons added a note saying, "These are oranges ha ha". So I added yet a fourth note saying, "It's orange solidarity."



I should take a picture and send it to the passive agressive notes blog hu?

Activist

There was a grocery bag full of lemons in the lunchroom with a note saying "Free lemons". Underneath that someone had added a note saying "Lemon oppression must end!". I giggled continued making my tea then stopped and read the note again. Hmmmm I' wasn't sure about the handwriting so I stopped at Dave's desk on the way back to mine.



Me: Did you do that?



Dave: What?



Me:In the lunchroom



Dave: (Sneaky smile and black panther salute)



I dearly love that man.