But more wonderful than the lore of old men and the lore of books is the secret lore of ocean.-H.P. Lovecraft

I'm not a very strong swimmer. The only sport I've ever thought I'd really like to try is surfing. Every once in a while I consider taking swimming lessons so I can then learn to surf. Then I remember that the sharks are waiting for me to foolishly go in to the watter deeper than my knees so they can eat me. So then I give up and eat a bag of Cheetos instead.

All the thoughts of a turtle are turtle.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

The grocery store was out of the kind of yogurt I usually buy for Fiona so I bought a pack of Gogurt instead. This afternoon she asked for some. As I got her one I saw that the box says "8 turtles in every box."  I was totally disappointed to discover I'd misread it and it actually said "8 tubes in every box." I wanted the turtles.

I'd kiss a frog even if there was no promise of a Prince Charming popping out of it. I love frogs.-Cameron Diaz

The house I grew up in was out in the boonies. You had to drive past cow pastures and farm land turn off the country road equivalent of a main drag go over a hill and suddenly you were confronted with a badly planned housing development spread out below you in a little valley next to a lagoon. I used to call it the F***ing Forgotten Valley. It was not fun when I was too young to drive to be miles and miles from the rest of the town.
Now out in the boonies with nothing surrounding you animals feel free to wander all over the place. It was not uncommon to see a deer wandering down the middle of the street and our poor dog permanently smelled like skunk spray. And the frogs, well I kinda liked them. We would be sitting in my parents spa when suddenly a frog would jump in and start swimming laps, acting all, "Hey what's up? Don't mind me."
One evening I was in my room laying in the dark watching tv when SPLAT. A frog plastered itself to my tv screen. Scared the bejesus outta me too. I couldn't figure out how it managed to get in to my second story room but there it was none the less. I decided to catch the froggy and return him to his native habitat (AKA not my room) but the frog didn't really like this idea and started hoping around trying to avoid me. Eventually he hoped behind the tv but immediately hoped back out wearing a dust bunny like a fur coat. This was too much for us both. The frog stood meekly while I picked him up and gently removed the dust bunny, and I giggled uncontrollably at the image. I let him go outside but still giggle every time I remember that poor frog wearing the dust bunny.

Note: If you read this post in it's originally published form, sorry 'bout that. I lost half of my original post but then it turned back up tacked on to the end and made no sense at all so I deleted it. Not sure what happened, gonna go with Blogger kinda sucks.

There were catsnratnelephants but sure as you're born the lovliest of all was the unicorn-Shel Silverstein

Ya know how it's really really hard to get pandas to breed? I mean not from personal experience or anything but ya hear it on fluffy news stories. Any how it's supposed to be crazy hard to get them to breed.

I suspect Noah's Ark had waaaaaaaay more than two pandas or we wouldn't have any now.

Belly buttons are cool!-Lauren Graham

I found the weirdest thing the other day.

The cat's bellybutton.

You don't see a lot of difference between the Gin Blossoms and the Byrds.-Steve Forbert

When I was a kid my Dad built a pond/waterfall in our back yard.

Our neighbors Juniper tree overhung the pond.

Gin is made from Juniper berries.

All the birds in the neighborhood used to use the pond as a birdbath.

Our yard was frequently littered with drunk birds.

I have a memory like an elephant. In fact, elephants often consult me.-Nole Coward

I had a dream that there was a herd of tiny elephants in my house. They were about the size of Gambit. They were cute and kinda fuzzy. I was sad when I woke up 'cause that would have been cool.

The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated-Mahatma Gandhi

Ya know how some people just don't like animals? I always suspect there's something wrong with these people, for example they might be serial killers.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in a library?-Lily Tomlin

I love that thing cats and birds do where they shake their head really fast and all their fur and feathers respectively lay down all smooth. I wish I could do that, shake my head and instantly be perfectly coiffed. That would be cool.

Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really.-Agnes Sligh Turnbull

Can dogs go crazy? Or perhaps develop dementia?

I ask because Sammy has been getting weirder and weirder.

It started a few months back when she refused to be in the house when my niece was here. My niece we see close to every weekend so it's not like Sammy had never met her before. When she went outside she would lay in the middle of the lawn, I should also mention that it was pouring rain (and I mean really bucketing) the first several times she did this. At the time we thought maybe the shrill little girl voices hurt her ears.

Then on Christmas she climbed in to the new play tent we'd bought Fiona and peed in it. I was able to clean it up but that is not the point. I wondered if maybe she was (after 3 years) getting resentful of Fiona.

This week she's insisted on repeatedly getting between me and the bath tub when I was trying to give Fiona a bath, taken up eating poop (yes dogs do this but it's new for her), and started pawing at anything cardboard she can find in an obsessive compulsive way.

I suppose I should call the vet. I'm just worried that they're going to say it's just 'cause she's old and we can't do anything about it. I don't want us to have to decide when to put her down based on how crazy she's become rather than how old and sick she is.

She has always annoyed me. I'm not proud of it but I've been known to tell her, "go away nobody likes you" But really she's just so freaking stupid it frustrates me. I don't actually hate her (as I may have also been known to say). I want Sammy to be her normal mildly annoying self for many more years not on a scary downward slide in to senility. Awww maaaaaan now I'm getting weepy.


Note: I should clarify a bit here. We wouldn't be putting her down just 'cause she's getting nutty. That would make us pretty horid. I meant that I didn't expect her being crazy to be a factor at all. I will be taking her to the vet in any case.

Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair.-Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine

I spend a lot of time thinking about flightless birds.

Ya know how when someone is avoiding something unpleasant you say, "You can't just bury your head in the sand"?

Have you ever noticed how Ostriches are not extinct?

It would seem that actually burying your head in the sand is a pretty effective survival strategy.

My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.-Author Unknown

Friday the doorbell rang. It was a strange man and a beagle. He was one of the crossing guards from the school across the street just coming on duty and he wanted to know if this was our dog. I said no I thought he probably belonged to our neighbors (the ones with 5 dogs all beagles and or beagle mixes). He said he'd checked there but no one was home.

The poor guy was worried the doggie would be hurt running around in all the end of the school day traffic. I noticed the dog had a tag complete with phone number and address so I said I'd take care of it (actually I would have any way but a phone number does make it easy).

I left a note for the neighbors but it turned out Charlie (see useful things tags) wasn't theirs. I had already called the phone number and left a message.

Charlie made himself at home. After he Sammy and Gambit all sniffed each other they all just lay down and went to sleep. Charlies Mom returned my call after a couple hours. And Charlies Dad came to get him a few minutes latter. They were both so grateful that I'd taken care of him. The Dad actually called me an angel. I decided not to explain why that is totally not true and just told him (quite truthfully) that I was happy I could help.

Sunday the doorbell rang and again it was Charlie this time with his family. They brought us some cookies and a thank you card.

It was nice that I could do something so simple that made someone else so happy.

When a dog barks at the moon, then it is religion; but when he barks at strangers, it is patriotism!-David Starr Jordan

Our neighbors have 5 dogs. FIVE DOGS! Five either Beagle or part Beagle mixes (seriously a Beagle, a Puggle, then those two had three puppies). Now I don't know how familiar you are with Beagles and their ilk but they bark A LOT!



We're animal people so we try to be tolerant. Also we're renters so we want to be on good terms with the neighbors. Buuuuuuuut it's fairly annoying. Luckily the bedrooms are on the other side of the house so they don't keep us awake.



Our dogs don't bark much. Mostly only if someone rings the doorbell or tries to deliver a package. However....



We can't be all, "Our dogs are better than your dogs" because Sammy....Sammy Sammy Sammy. Sammy likes to go up to the fence and taunt the neighbors dogs. They go crazy all five of them barking like an axe wielding maniac has breached the perimeter and plans to turn the whole family in to kindling while Sammy stands there remaining quiet the whole time with a big ole doggy grin on her face.



I've always said Sammy it pretty much the stupidest dog in the history of stupid dogs. But I'm beginning to think she's got a sneaky kind of cunning to her.



Bad dog Sammy!

A bird doesn't sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.-Lou Holtz

I often think that penguins and emu's and all the other flightless birds kinda got screwed.

All this is only for the mice and myself to admire!-Catherine the Great

Our new house is much nicer than our old one in many ways. There are only one or two things I would change.

The light fixtures don't seem to work very well, I suspect some amateur instillation's.

I wouldn't choose to paint my bedroom yellow.

We have mice!!!!!!!

Okay yeah that one's a bit of a problem. Dave saw one this weekend in the garage and we thought we'd better get some traps. Then on Tuesday I was in Fiona's room when one tried to run in there saw us and instead ran in to the guest room. I went to Lowes and got some traps (btw I found it ironic that mouse traps are on the same isle as the Christmas decorations). I baited the traps with peanut butter, then gave Fiona some on crackers and felt irrationally guilty about it. Later I saw it try to run in to the living room but Gambit chased it back down the hall. I said rude things about the cat not earning his keep for a while then waited some more. Eventually after Fiona had gone to bed I was putting something away and glanced at the trap in the kitchen. It was closed. Dun Dun Duuuuuun!!! Dave took it outside and released it then told me a harrowing story of it running right at his bare feet.

But wait there's more!

Wednesday I thought I heard scratching coming from under the cupboards so I put put another trap (in the same spot). I was hoping it was just me being nervous but a bit later I heard a distinct squeak. And soon I heard the snick of the trap closing. Dave called a couple minutes later and I told him what was going one. Do you know what he said? He asked if I was going to take it out. "Ummmmmm noooo. I really don't want to touch it." So it stayed in the trap until Dave got home half an hour latter then he drove it to a field a mile or so away. Hopefully that is the last of him (Dave insists it's the same mouse). I will be cleaning everything in the kitchen.

And FYI I am revising my man list. Mouse disposal is definitely a man job!

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The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.-Slappy White

So today is my first day of unemployment. I had this great post I wrote back in March when they told us we were getting the axe all about Judas Goats buuuuuut I'm pretty sure it would violate the confidentiality agreement and I'd prefer not to be sued. Actually I'm not even pissed off, it was a business decision not "you suck so you're fired."

So now I have to find another job and I'm going to have to find new and different places to find blog material.

In the mean time here is the playlist I made for driving home from my last day

Take this job and Shove it-Johnny Paycheck (Specially downloaded for the occasion)
Loser-Beck
9 to 5-Dolly Parton
End of the World-Dead By Sunrise
Pick Up The Pieces-Average White Band
Minimum Wadge-They Might Be Giants
Respect-Aretha Franklin
Tubthumping-Chumbawamba
Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da (Life Goes On)-The Beatles
Good Riddance-Green Day
Stayin' Alive-The BeeGee's
Money For Nothin'-Dire Straits
I'm Beginning To See The Light-Bobby Darin
Somewhere I Belong-Linkin Park
Silver Lining-Rilo Kiley
Free Bird-Lynrd Skynrd
I Will Survive-Gloria Gaynor

Run away, run away-Monty Python and the Holly Grail

Hey good news!

We found a home for the evil bunnies. We can't take them to the new place and I really didn't want to take them to the pound but one of Dave's co-workers volunteered to take them.

This is good news because I don't have to feel (as)guilty about getting rid of them. It's also good news because they are EVIL and I'm glad I don't have to own them any more.

Mental note don't give their new owner a link to my blog.

Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.-Gilbert K. Chesterton

I woke up in the middle of the night and there was something in our room. I was all "what the f**k is that" then Dave moved so I realised he's awake too and I said, "Is that a freaking giraffe?" he says "No, it's a camel."

Dude a freaking camel in our house. How the heck did it get there? How'd it even wind up in Fairfield, we don't even have a zoo? I was understandably confused and a little frightened. Was this some sort of daring burglary?

So Dave chased it down the hall in to the garage and I went to call......who do you call when there's a camel in your house? The Humane Society? The A.S.P.C.A.? I don't know freaking P.E.T.A.? Who ever would come and get this camel could have it as far as I was concerned, maybe a BBQ place. The whole time I was making calls and explaining the situation I was thinking "This is going to make an awesome blog post!"

I was very disappointed when I woke up and discovered that it was only a very vivid dream. It probably means something nutty too, like I secretly want to take up taxidermy.

A wisp of gossamer, about the size and substance of a spider's web-Monica Baldwin

Okay clearly I need to be dusted more often. That is the SECOND time there was a freaking spider handing off my glasses WHILE THEY WERE ON MY FACE!

My life has a superb cast but I can't figure out the plot.-Ashleigh Brilliant*

Baby squirrel's are possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen. It's hard to tell though because before I can get even sort of close enough to get a good look they run and hide. Mama squirrel on the other hand stands between me and her babies and gives me a look that clearly says, "You ain't got the cojones" and in that she is right.


*I couldn't find a relevant quote but I liked this one.