Monday, April 10, 2017

Whatever your fight, don't be ladylike.-Mother Jones

To the girls

Me: Hey! No pretending to fart on each other.

Pause

Me: No actually farting on each other either.

I'm learning

Saturday, April 1, 2017

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mode but the true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives the passion that she shows. The beauty of a woman grows with the passing years.-Audrey Hepburn

Daphne: I love you Mamma.

Me: I love you too baby.

Daphne: I love hot Mamma.

Me: What?

Daphne: You hot Mamma.

Me: Did you just call me hot?

Daphne Yeah!

Me: Well that's an odd complement coming from my toddler but I'll take it. Thanks honey.

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

One time I tried to use the bathroom in the dark, and I missed the toilet, and I fell on the floor.-Rita Ora

Daphne: Monkey?

Me: Sure I can turn on Monkey in a minute but I have to change my pants first.

Daphne: You peepee you pants?

Me: No just got water on them while I was watering the plants.

Daphne: It's okay you peepee.

Me: Well I didn't but I appreciate the fact that you wouldn't judge me for it.

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Some are kissing mothers and some are scolding mothers, but it is love just the same, and most mothers kiss and scold together.-Pearl S. Buck

This morning in the produce department at the grocery store.

Daphne: Rapunzel Mamma mean.

Me: Yes she is mean but that's not her real Mamma. I'm sure her real Mamma was nice.

Daphne: Yeah Mamma nice

Me: Am I a nice Mamma?

Daphne: NOOOOO!

A lady stocking produce began laughing uncontrollably.

Produce stocker: I'm so sorry that caught me off guard.

Me: (also laughing) It's okay. If she'd said yes that'd mean I'm not doing my job right.

Produce stocker: True. (still laughing) That made my day.

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Family is the most important thing in the world.-Princess Diana

Daphne: I love you Mamma.

Me: I love you too baby.

Daphne: I love you ten!

Me: Ten? Wow that's a lot.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?-Albert Einstein

Why did we name it "grapefruit"? We already have a fruit called "grapes" and they don't even remotely look or taste the same.

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Wonder pets, wonder pets were on our way.-Wonder pets theme song

You can tell the other parents.

A co-worker came in to ask my office mate a question when the phone rang.

Co-worker: The phone! The phone is ringing.

Me: The phone! we'll be right there!

Office mate: What was that?