The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. -George Bernard Shaw

Dear Universe,

Why did you make this rule? When you're waiting for the air conditioning (or PG&E or cable) guy to come and of coarse you need to pee and you say to yourself, "I'm sure he won't show up in the next two minutes." Why oh why does the doorbell always ring the moment you sit down?

Sincerely,
A lady who drinks a lot of watter

Our inventions are wont to be pretty toys, which distract our attention from serious things. They are but improved means to an unimproved end.-Henry David Thoreau

My Mom sent me this. At first I was all' "Yeah yeah whatever." Because I was determined not to be amused by anything my mother thought was funny (I'm contrary like that) but I couldn't avoid giggling. But once I got to the part about the cat I knew I must share this with the world (or at very least the handful of people who read this), because those are the words I have been searching for to describe Fiona's relationship with Vladi.

Fiona has (let me count) 6 baby dolls. Their names are: Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Little Baby, and Little Baby 2.

Her imaginary friend is named Kid Leela. Not Leela but Kid Leela, ya know 'cause we were going to get her mixed up with all the other Leelas we know (actually that was my Grandmas name but as she wasn't invisible I think we could have told them apart.

Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.-Jane Austen

You know what's difficult but totally worth all the hard work it in the end?



















Eating an ice cream cone while you're driving.

You totally thought I was gonna say parenting or a happy marriage didn't you?

You know you've made it when you've been moulded in miniature plastic.-Cate Blanchett

So I was buying wine. You're shocked because I never drink, I know, I know. So there was this paper thingy on one of the bottles.

I was looking at the blank side and thought, "Ya know what this looks like?"

So.........

And then I got silly with the picture of Fiona on my desk.

Which of coarse led to more silliness at home.

Baby Fiona as a Troika (Which is apparently the proper name for those little wooden nesting dolls)

Vladi as a Troika

One of my nieces as a Troika (hope her parents don't mind)

Me as a Troika

It is ridiculous how much fun I was having doing this. I'm totally going to start carrying this thing around making Troikas of all the people I meet....'cept I'm totally lazy so maybe not.

Cheese - milk's leap toward immortality. -Clifton Paul Fadiman

Just as a general rule I don't eat cheese products that have not been refrigerated but I really don't want cheese products that don't require refrigeration. (Shudder)

 

What have I got in my pocket?-The Hobbit

So I'm browsing around on Amazon looking for books for my kindle.  I was in the contemporary fantasy sections when the Hobbit pops up.

Now it is one of my favorites but I don't think of 1937 as "contemporary." But maybe that's just me.

Families are about love overcoming emotional torture. -Matt Groening

Q: Ya know what's even more hilarious/evil than using a laser pointer to drive the cat insane?

A: Handing said pointer to a 4 year old.

As a piece of a pomegranate are thy temples within thy locks.-The Bible *

Imagined conversation at Lowes headquarters when they we're planing the one near our house.

Boardroom guy #1: Okay now for the most important decision we have to make today. What kind of plants should we put in the parking lot?

Boardroom guy #2: How about some sort of ice plant?

Boardroom Guy #1: No that's been done.

Boardroom guy #2: Daises or Rosemary?

Boardroom guy #1: No no no. You see those everywhere. I want this parking lot to be something people talk about. I want them to remember this parking lot.

Silence while they all contemplate the weirdest thing they could possibly suggest for a parking lot.

Boardroom guy #3: (Hesitantly) Pomegranates?

Boardroom guy #1: YES! That's it, Pomegranates! It's brilliant. Why can't you have ideas like that boardroom guy #2? Daises Pfft!



Okay weird little side note here. Every single quote I found about Pomegranates was from the Bible. Apparently a popular fruit in biblical times as well as a trendy one now. 



Dude, you lost us, can you just call it something cool like "The Ninja Report" or something?-How I Met Your Mother

So this guy walks in to our department and starts talking to my boss about "the Ninja project". I thought either someone was a HIMYM fan or possibly just a huge duffis. It turns out actually we really do have a project going on for a company with Ninja in their name (Hence the capitalization. Check me out pretending I care about grammar and whatnot).

Ninja project, how awesome is that?

A fine head of hair adds beauty to a good face, and terror to an ugly one.-Lycurgus

Do you think hair stylists look forward to the part of the appointment where they get to  blow dry your hair 'cause then they don't have to make conversation any more?

Moon hangs around a blade over my head and reminds me what to do before I'm dead.-Kidney Thieves, Before I'm Dead

If you haven't seen the list of things I don't want to do before I die yet you simply must click on the hyperlink.

I must admit that I've done #10 and it was a miserable experience and as to #1 I can think of one or two friends I'd probably enjoy Vegas with though we'd be more likely to spend our time in nice restaurants drinking expensive wine than...ya know doing anything that needed to remain in Vegas.

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other.-Honore de Balzac

Once again Facebook confuses me. For no good reason I was looking through the "people you might know" list. I see one that has 2 friends in common so I click to see who they are thinking at best it's probably someone I went to school with or maybe an old co-worker.

The two people I was already friends with were indeed old co-workers....from two different jobs. They are both friends with me and this third person being offered to me but not each other.

Weird right?

Growing up, my dolls were doctors and on secret missions. I had Barbie Goes Rambo.-Zoe Saldana

I like hotel rooms.

They're fake bedrooms.

They're like a game of let's pretend.

Like really big one room doll houses.

The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never lets his public down.-Errol Flynn

Hey remember this?

Guess I dodged a bullet there.

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.-Ogden Nash

My family is weird (shocking I know). Here we are days before Thanksgiving and we still have at least half of Fiona's Halloween candy. The same thing happened last year, I wound up throwing the candy out when it got old. Same thing at Easter and we've never finished a whole box of See's candy.

I'm not sure why this is. We like chocolate.

And don't think this is my passive aggressive way of saying, "we're such healthy eaters." 'Cause I just finished eating a tub of cookie dough with a spoon just before sitting down to write this.

Tact is, after all, a kind of mind reading.-Sarah Orne

If I was ever in a situation where I needed to wear a tin foil hat to keep "them" from being able to read my thoughts I'd use the tin foil to line a regular baseball hat so no one would know I was crazy.

There is an itch in runners.-Arnold Hano

I used to jog. Just a little. The route I took was probably no more than a mile and I walked a lot of it.

I've been thinking of taking it up again.

I've had back problems my whole life.

I have a tricky knee that occasionally needs bracing.

I'm currently having foot problems.

But I'm thinking of taking up jogging again.

I am completely insane.

I like these cold, gray winter days. Days like these let you savor a bad mood.-Bill Watterson

We've been putting off turning on the heater 'cause we're cheap. It hasn't been so bad mostly just cold enough to put on a sweater over what you're wearing. But I suspect it may be time soon because the cat who hates to be covered up climbed under the blankets on our bed to take a nap yesterday.

Ya know it's cold when the family members with fur coats want a blanket.

A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz.-Humphrey Bogart

Dear Ballpark Franks,

Thank you so much for the new resealable package. I can't believe it took this long to come up with it.
of coarse your product still gives me gas but still, good for you!

And so with all things: names were vital and important.-Algernon Blackwood

On the way home from Fiona's dance class I had to find an alternate route to the freeway due to police cars blocking the whole street (not sure what the deal was, probably don't want to know). Guess what I found?

Danica way.

Sweet!

My path to world domination has begun!

That's how it works right? You get all famous and they name a street after you. So clearly this street was a reference to me right?

Right?

Well fine if you want to be all logical about it.

Still made my day.