Everyone's a hero in their own way you and you and mostly me and you.-Everyone's a Hero/Dr. Horribles Sing Along Blog

Fiona: Is that a bad guy?

Me: No! That's Yoda.

Fiona: Is he good?

Me: Oh heck yeah. Yoda's the sh...um, he's great.

I want the Fire Back.- Walk Through the Fire from Once More With Feeling

Fiona:(Singing) I will walk through the fire. I will walk thorough the fire. I will walk through the fire. I will walk through the fire.

Me: (Pause) Fiona! You are the coolest kid ever!

Come on, my favorite song from my favorite episode of my all time favorite show? I am raising a proper geek.

Beauty is the bait which with delight allures man to enlarge his kind.-Socrates

There are lots of reasons why I love Fiona but at the moment my favorite is this.

She tells me I look beautiful even when I don't really look that great. Seriously all I have to do is get dressed and brush my hair and Fiona will exclaim, "You look beautiful Mommy!" It's such an ego boost. Of coarse it may say something about my personal grooming recently but that's okay.

The public has always expected me to be a playboy, and a decent chap never lets his public down.-Errol Flynn

Hey remember this?

Guess I dodged a bullet there.

Animals are such agreeable friends - they ask no questions, they pass no criticisms.-George Eliot

Me: I love you kitty. You're such a good kitty. Oops sorry I knocked you over. Where are you going?

Vladi: I hate it when you drink.

You never forget kids like Emily, or Andy, but they forget you.-Jessie Toy Story 2

Alright if you've never seen any of the Toy Story movies this might not make any sense but...

Fiona has Woddy, Buzz, and Jessie. She's particularly attached to Jessie and sometimes sleeps with her. The other night when I was putting her to sleep I was thinking how cute she was all cuddled up with her little cowgirl doll.

Then it occurred to me that someday she'll outgrow her. That was when I realised that someday it's going to be my job to throw her out or donate her or in some other way dispose of Jessie. I'm going to feel like a huge jerk when that day comes.

Composers shouldn't think too much - it interferes with their plagiarism.-Howard Dietz

Listening to really horrid hip hop version of the Thomas the Tank Engine theme.

Dave: This is terrible.

Me: Yeah this is really really bad.

Fiona: No it's not! I love this song!

And so the musical generation gap begins.

I am attracted to people who make this effort in knowing what suits them - they are individual and stylish-Vivienne Westwood

Fiona has started describing everything she likes as "Stylish". I'm not sure where she got this word. I don't think either Dave or I use it much. Actually I would be pretty confident in stating that word has never come out of Dave's mouth in his life. Where ever she learned it she did not really pick up the context. For example yesterday she said, "I love this Popsicle Mama, it's sooooo stylish."

I should probably be trying to correct this but every time I do what comes out is, "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Aaaaaaand she doesn't get that either.

A bottle of wine begs to be shared; I have never met a miserly wine lover.-Clifton Paul Fadiman

At the grocery store

Fiona: Oooooh I like that bottle. Can I have that drink Mama?

Me: No. Just because it has a cool bottle doesn't mean it tastes good. That's important advice for when you take up wine drinking.

This is a fierce bad rabbit; look at his savage whiskers,and his claws and his turned-up tail.-Beatrix Potter

I call Fiona "Bunny". Ya know as a term of endearment. If I call her "sweetie" or " honey" or "darling" she corrects me and says, "No Mommy, call me Bunny." So she's Bunny.

People who hear me call her Bunny probably just think "Cute little girl, cute little animal makes perfect sense." But of coarse they don't know my history with bunnies. If they did they'd probably wonder why I call my daughter after such awful pets. In actuality it's a reference to our cat.

Once long long ago when I'd never owned rabbits, wasn't a mother, and wasn't even married yet I got a kitten. He was black and made this adorable little blood thirsty face when he was playing so being me I named him Vladimir after Vlad the impaler (ya know Dracula). He was my baby and I loved him to death. One evening when he was sitting with his rear end pointed at me the way cats do I observed that his butt looked just like a rabbits except for the tail. From then on I called him Bunnybutt ' (who calls their pets by their actual names?) which was eventually shortened to just Bunny.

So when Fiona was born it was just natural for me to call my baby who I loved to death Bunny. Vladi doesn't mind sharing his nickname and Fiona doesn't know I'm calling her the cat's butt.

Daughters are like flowers, they fill the world with beauty, and sometimes attract pests.-Unknown

Fiona: You are so funny Mommy. (pause) Funny and beautiful.

As I've mentioned I've been having a not so fabulous time recently. I've been up and down and all around. Some days I don't want to get out of bed, and some days I think I'm fine. But Fiona has been the thing that keeps me going. She can be a royal pain in the rear (let's face it they all can) but there is nothing in the whole world I love more than I love her.

Fiona if you ever read this, you are my sunshine. And if you never read this, you are still my sunshine.

Tomatoes and oregano make it Italian; wine and tarragon make it French. Sour cream makes it Russian; lemon and cinnamon make it Greek. Soy sauce makes it Chinese; garlic makes it good.-Alice May Brock

Fiona and I made brownies the night before.

Fiona: Can I have a brownie?

Me: You can't have a brownie for breakfast. You have to eat something healthy first.

Fiona: Okay! Can I have yogurt and grapes?

Me: Sure.

She ate up the yogurt and grapes so true to my word I cut her a brownie. While I was at it I cut one for myself.

Fiona: Mommy! You have to eat something healthy first!

Me: It's okay I had coffee.

I love cats because I enjoy my home; and little by little, they become its visible soul.-Jean Cocteau

Me: Fiona leave the cat alone. See how his ears are all flat and his tail is twitching. That's means he doesn't want to be touched.

Fiona: (crossing her arms and frowning dramatically) No Vladi needs to leave me alone.

Me: Okay. Vladi don't pet Fiona she's grumpy. There, now if he pets you he gets a time out.

Retirement: World's longest coffee break.-Author Unknown

Fiona: What's tirerent home?

Me: Retirement home?

Fiona: Yeah.

Dave: Remember when we went to visit Great Papa? That place he lives is a retirement home.

Fiona: Oh.

Pause

Fiona: Why?

Me: Sometimes when someone get old they need help taking care of themselves so they move to a retirement home and the people there help them.

Fiona: Oooooooh.

Pause

Fiona: You're old Mommy why don't you live there?

Never spend your money before you have earned it.-Thomas Jefferson

I was in our room getting ready to go somewhere. Fiona crept in quietly behind me, went to Dave's bed side table and tried to leave the room with her hands behind her back.

Me: Hey! You can't just take something without asking. You know that.

Fiona: (holding out her hands to show the three pennies she'd found) Please I may have all Daddy's money?

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.-Billy Wilder

We've pretty much got Fiona potty trained and boy howdy was that the most fun ever? No, no it wasn't.

Now we are working on some more related issues like remembering to flush and turn off the light when you leave the room.

I spent today repeatedly giving step by step instructions on how to use toilet paper. Take a moment to think about that.

First grab the paper, now pull. No! No not that much, just a little. Yes just like that now tear it off. No. No stop. Put one hand on the roll to keep it from moving, yes like that. Now use your other hand to tear it. No from the top. The top Fiona. TOP not bottom. Yes that top sheesh. Okay now tear. Yay! Okay now kinda fold it up...

Good grief!


In unrelated news I have a job interview today. Wish me luck.

Excuse the mess but we live here.-Roseanne Barr

We were getting in to the car to go to the store.



Fiona: Your car is messy



Me: (looking at the crumbs, sand, and twigs around her car seat) Yeah it is.



Fiona: What happened Mama?



Me: Well ya see I had a baby and she made a big ol mess out of my car.



Fiona: Silly baby. The baby can clean up you car.



Me: That'd be great. I'm not holding my breath though.



Fiona: You had a baby in my car seat? Silly Mama.



Me: I'll tell you a secret. You're the baby. You made the mess.



Fiona: Ooooooh I THE BABY! (looks at mess) Sorry Mama.

I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it.-Raymond Chandler

Driving home late at night with Fiona asleep in the backseat.

Dave: We could be really bad parents and go get drunk in that bar while Fiona is sleeping in the car.

Me: Nah we'll just go home and get drunk there, which makes us good parents.

I have a present for you, but I need to borrow your arms for wrapping paper. -Unknown

You know how sometimes on really hot days your cat (or dog maybe) will decide that this is the perfect time to cuddle up right next to you, and you don't want to tell them to go away even though it's way to hot for cuddling because normally they would much rather ignore you than show any sort of affection so you sit there and suffer because you know you are lucky to get the attention?

Substitute the word cat with Fiona and you have a perfect description of my morning.

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.-Henry Ward Beecher

Fiona and I went to Target the other day. On the way back to our car I couldn't help but notice a couple in the parking lot because the man was berating the woman loudly. Clearly he wanted people to hear and clearly she was used to this type of thing because she didn't say a word and kept her head down.

Thought I wasn't happy to see this and even less happy that Fiona was seeing it I was prepared to leave the situation alone. It wasn't something I could call the cops about, and if he was the physically abusive type it could be dangerous for me, the other woman, and even Fiona. So I was minding my own business.

However this is the type of guy who likes to bully women. He swerved his cart across the parking row until he was blocking my way. So ridiculous as it was we were playing a game of shopping cart chicken. This was a whole different story, I'm not going to allow this guy to intimidate me particularly in front of my daughter. So I just kept walking a straight line staring him right in the eye. I suspect my left eyebrow which I can't always make behave when I'm angry was raised in defiance, and very likely my jaw was clenched (though I may just think I was braver than I really was). I had a fleeting thought about how I was supposed to behave if the carts collided just before he dropped his gaze and swerved out of my way.

Men who bully women are cowards. They pick on someone they think is smaller and weaker than they are. There are different kinds of strength. It's probably to much to hope that the woman learned that if she stood up to him he'd back down but I'm going to hope it any way.

On the other hand...

I was in a shop the other day. As I was leaving a woman and her son were entering. I stepped out of the way politely to let them through. The son who couldn't have been more than seven saw me and held the door for me. I smiled and thanked him.

Manners and respect are easy things to pass on and do so much good.