One way to make sure crime doesn't pay would be to let the government run it.-Ronald Reagan

Did I ever tell you the story of the time I was questioned by the FBI?

No?

Sweet!

So back when I worked on a military base (not naming the company or even the specific job but if you dig through old posts you can probably figure it out) we had some product disappear. Now one this was a large theft worth tens of thousands of dollars and two being on a military base everything is Federal.

There were actually two separate thefts which helped us narrow down the suspects. There were three people who had been around for both; the person running the closing shift, the employee working the closing shift, and the person opening the next day who discovered both thefts...me.

Now I knew I hadn't done it and I don't think the management ever seriously considered me a suspect but the MP's and the FBI had to do their jobs and question all the suspects.

I was asked to come to the Base Police headquarters to meet with the FBI agent in charge of the case for questioning. Let that sink in for a moment...

Like I said I hadn't done it, in fact I was the person who realised something was wrong but still I was just a leetle bit nervous.

When I arrived I expected to be taken to a scary little room with a two way mirror but either they didn't have those or they didn't really suspect me because the room I went to looked more like a meeting room in any office with a big table and seating for six or eight.

When I get nervous I tend to get a little giddy and make random jokes (as opposed to normal when I sarcastically make random jokes on purpose). So when the FBI agent introduced himself and flashed his credentials I started giggling and said, "Just like on tv!"

He'd been all serious up to that moment and I had a second to wish my mouth had consulted my brain before it just blurted things out but then he cracked a smile and responded in his own giddy voice, "I know! I'm actually pretty new and that's the first time I got to do that."

After that I wasn't nervous and the interview got less interesting (story wise).

We did eventually figure out who'd done it but I guess you'll just have to take my word for it that I was innocent.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn't have a job if he was any smarter.-John Gotti

Do you want to know what I'm going to do if I will the lottery?

Well yes I am going to buy a whole butt load of expensive shoes but that's not what I meant. Thanks for playing though.


I'm going to start a web site where people can come tell me how horrible their boss is. I mean the actually abusive but you need the job so you can't quit type. Every week or two I'll pick one and go get a job there and when the boss is an ass to me I'll tell him off and say all the things the real employees wish they could say.


And if I can't get a job there because I'm not qualified (ya know Doctor, FBI agent, ummm person with any kind of degree) I'll hire a singing telegram to tell him or her what a dick they are.


Wouldn't that be an awesome way to give back to the community?


Note: I should point out my boss is actually pretty cool so this is not a reflection on her. I have however had the other kind shudder.

Who Doesn't Like Money?

Weird fact about banks. Normally when you prep money to send to the Federal Reserve you strap it in the appropriate amounts and then rubber band five straps together (we called this a brick but I'm not sure if that's a standard term). The opposite is true with coins you have to remove them from any wrapper they are in and send them back in burlap sacks like you see in old timey movies or cartoons. I was always disappointed that the sacks didn't have a big dollar sign painted on them.

A Great Big Hug to Costco

About three years ago we bought a big ol' TV from Costco. About 9 months ago it broke. It was under warranty and apparently this was a problem being reported on hundreds of this model TV so they fixed it. It took about a month for the guy to get the part and install it and then it took us another week to get someone to help us put the TV back up on the wall because it's to heavy for Dave & I.

Thing were going along happily until about two weeks ago Dave and I were watching the TV after Fiona went to bed when POP the same part broke. We called Costco they said we needed to contact the manufacturer. They tried to say well it's a three year old TV. We said it's a lemon and you might want to curb the attitude as there's a lot of buzz on the Internet about a class action suit. They said they'd fix it. We thought about it and did a little research.

When we bought the TV Costco had a life time return policy. Many people abused this so they had to change their policy but since that was in effect at the time we should be covered. Dave called Costco customer service they were actually very nice and said that it would be up to the manager at the Costco in question but we should be able to return the TV.

The manager at Costco let us return it. The price has come down so we got a different TV for about half what we originally paid and now have an insane store credit at Costco (we no longer have the card we used to purchase it originally).

This story is not funny or even that interesting but I mention it because you hear lots of stories of companies really screwing their customers, or stories of rude/just plain bad customer service. This was great service and I think Costco deserves a little credit. Thank you Costco for using common sense and courtesy.

One of Those Days

You know those days when the universe is telling you to call in and stay in bed? I'm having one of those. It's not so clear cut as it sometimes is with all sorts of little things going wrong but I did wake up to an immediate conversation about the state of our bank account. Yay good morning.

I was on anxiety medication before I had Fiona but I stopped taking it when I got pregnant partly because I kept forgetting to fill the prescription (pregnant brain is fun) but mostly because I felt fine. I decided that I'd only needed it because I'd had an extremely stressful job at the time. No really like extremely stressful I'm almost 100% positive that the job was part of the reason I lost the first baby. However since Fiona was born I've had a couple really bad times when I wondered if I should call the Dr. and ask them to put me back on medication. I suspect I might not be the only member of my family who could use (or have used) some therapy and/or medication. I've been putting it off since it garners so much judgement from people and I get enough of that from people when they find out I had a c-section and didn't breast feed (seriously strangers feel it's appropriate to ask questions or make comments about my breasts and what I'm not using them for). There are good reasons for both of those things but they aren't anybodies business but my own. My daughter's healthy so back the F*#k off.

My birthday's coming up which has been depressing me. I don't mind getting older or anything like that it's just that my birthdays over the last 7 years or so have been bad. Not my 29'th birthday Dave proposed then so that one was nice but generally at the end of the day I no longer like anyone in my family and cry myself to sleep. Last year I cried on the way to work too that was fun. Of coarse this year my expectations are so low that maybe I won't feel like a worthless pile of crap by the end of the day that would be nice.

Money stresses me out. Yeah I know money stresses everyone out and we all go through the young an poor stage. I'm almost 33 and have had a job since I was 12. I'm not that young and have spent plenty of time being poor. Can't I just be getting close to middle age and not broke all the time? The reason we are consistently broke is our mortgage there's a long story behind that starting with my grandma going senile and ending with my brother in law falling in love (not with my grandma) neither of which are things they had any control over and I certainly don't blame them but it left us with a house we can't actually afford. So any way were broke and I had almost convinced myself yesterday to get my hair cut but now I'm just going to add that to the list of all the other things I can't afford.

I need a hug....and a Xanax.

This is Why I Bought Another Loto Ticket

In case you can't read it the fortune says "You are headed in the right direction trust you instincts"

If I Won the Lottery

I used to work in Petaluma CA and commute along Lakeville Highway every day. Lakeville is very pretty with vineyards and horse farms, the miniature horses garner a lot of attention. One the thing I loved was the thousands of lambs frolicking in the fields every spring. Frolicking is honestly the only word that accurately captures the joyful action of those fluffy little scamps.

My carpool buddy and I once came up with a daring plan to capture one and take it home to cuddle. Our plan went like this "I'll stop the car, you jump out grab a lamb and when you jump back in the car I'll peel out". Sadly we never put this plan in to action.

One year there was this adorable little black lamb on one of the small farms that I just fell in love with. Every day I would see him (her?) and it would make me feel that the world wasn't such a bad place to live after all. This made me wonder why although I occasionally saw black lambs I almost never say black sheep. I did a bit of research and found out to my horror that a lot of black lambs become lamb chops. Not MY lamb though it was a well loved pet. This is what I tell myself despite the fact that I no longer see it.

Apparently the issue is that they can't die the black wool so it's just easier to take the sheep out of the gene pool. There is a specialized market for black wool (it never fades) and some farmers will sell their black lambs/sheep to farms that specialize in black sheep. Others just name the animal dinner and move on.

Here's where my lottery winnings come in to play. If I was rich, I mean really rich, the kind where you can set up your own charities, I'd start a black sheep rescue farm or ranch or whatever. Obviously I'd have to hire a staff to take care of the animals because I have no clue what goes in to raising sheep. I'd put adds in Modern Sheppard or whatever magazines sheep farmers read offering to buy any black lambs they wind up with or trade if my black sheep produced white lambs (I'm not sure how that works). I would put an end to black sheep discrimination. In my world being the black sheep of the family would be a good thing.

Disclaimer: I found this image on the web. If I knew who it belonged to I'd ask permission and give them credit. Also if you google black sheep turns out I'm not the only person who loves these fluffy little cuties.

Got my ticket

Let the fantasy's begin......

Oh wait not that kind he he.

Being poor sucks

Like a lot of people these days we have a hard time getting by every month. We don't spend extravagantly but we have a house and a child and the prices of food and gas are insane so we're pretty much broke. We are both looking for better paying jobs but so far nothing has turned up. The depressing thing is not only are we broke now but unless we find a way to start saving we're gonna continue to be broke. There will be no retiring for us just working until we die trying to pay off the debt we keep sinking farther in to. There's a happy thought for the end of the day.

That's what I want

The world would be such an awesome place if Dave & I were rich. Not only because I could own some really snazzy shoes but because there would be an outlet for the madness that is Dave.

On the way to work this morning (we commute together) he started singing one of the songs from the "You got Served" episode of South Park we watched last night. Then he turned to me and said, "It's too bad we don't have that song so we could blast it and you could lean out the window and serve that guy."

Hmmm I wonder if I can scrounge up the money to buy a lottery ticket.