“May the New Year bring you courage to break your resolutions early! My own plan is to swear off every kind of virtue, so that I triumph even when I fall!” ― Aleister Crowley, Moonchild

A bit late but still...

On New Years.

Me: So how 'bout resolutions? You givin' up manlove again?

Dave: Sure.

Me: Okay then I will once again give up smoking.

Dave: I'm also going to give up (something so obscene I'm NOT going to type it here).

Me: Fiiiine then I'll give up Heroin too.

Note: No we have never actually done any of those things sheesh.

An artist is somebody who produces things that people don't need to have.-Andy Warhol

Dave: What'd you get in the mail?

Me: Oh! I don't know I didn't open the package yet. Probably it's just....

Dave: Oh! That stuff?

Me: Yeah. At least I didn't order anything else.

And this is actually what the packing label said when I opened the box.

That which is not good for the bee-hive cannot be good for the bees.-Marcus Aurelius

Dave: It's the bees knees

Me: Do bees even have knees? I mean I know they have legs but do they bend?

Dave: I don't know but if they do they must be pretty cool.

My favorite way of getting out of doing chores is by acting like I'm asleep. But it never works.-Devon Werkheiser

We were getting an error on the washing machine every time I tried to run a load.

Side note: What the heck kind of world are we living in that a machine that ought to be as simple as add dirty clothes, soap, and watter stir rinse done gets errors because it's computerised?

I looked it up on the Internet and saw that it might be as simple as a clogged drain hose. So I asked Dave, "Hey can you help me see if we can fix the washer?" And then Dave spent half an hour removing a washcloth from the drain while I played with Fiona in the living room.

I was feeling slightly guilty about the "help me" and "we" part of that until I thought of all the times Dave said things like, "We need to clean the kitchen before (insert guest names here) gets here." 

My favorite animal is steak-Fran Lebowitz

Saturday our next door neighbor came over to watch Fiona so Dave and I could go out for a nice dinner. We went to Broiler Steakhouse which I recommend highly if you're ever in Sacramento (or if they exist other places). In a strange coincidence when we were seated the people at the next table we're one of Dave's friends from work and her family. When our bill came the waiter explained that the people at the next table paid for our crab cakes and entrees before they left. Then when we got home our neighbor had made us a chocolate pizza thingy and flat out refused to let us pay her for babysitting.

It was a great evening.

Take my heart and please don't break it.-L.O.V.E Nat King Cole

Happy Anniversary Dave

Sometimes the poorest man leaves his children the richest inheritance.-Ruth E. Renkel

Fiona brought us a picture she drew

Me: What color is that?

Fiona: Brown!

Me: And what things are brown?

Fiona: Blank stare

Dave: (Evil twinkle in his eye) Come here Fiona I'll tell you something brown.

Me: Dave no! Tell her chocolate.

Dave: (totally ignoring me, why do I try? Stage whisper) Poo poo is brown.

Fiona: (repeating faithfully) Poo poo is brown.

Me: (Shoots Dave disgusted look)

Fiona: No poo poo's not brown.

Me: She's got ya there, hers isn't always.

Fiona: Poo poo's green.

Me: So there Dave. (Sticks out tongue in most mature manner possible)

Truth is the most valuable thing we have, so I try to conserve it.-Mark Twain

Latter on Sunday while watching Strawberry Shortcake. There was a horse or pony or something that was sad.

Fiona: Oh she's crying

Dave: 'Cause they're gonna eat her.

Fiona: Nooooo, you can't just eat a horse.

Dave: Well no, first ya gotta slaughter it.

Me: Hey Fiona, remember this morning when I told you not to listen to any thing Daddy says?

If bullshit was music, that fellow would be a brass band.-Paddy Crosbie

Mostly as a result of having worked together at a ridiculous number of places I've told probably a hundred people something along these lines.

"Never believe anything that comes out of Dave's mouth. Everything he says is bullshit."

And then he laughs because he knows I don't mean it as a bad way. I'm actually quite proud of his ability to lay out the most outlandish statement in an entirely plausible way.

However..... Sunday morning:

Dave: Do you want me to make you a pancake Fiona?

Fiona: No.

Me: You should say, "no thank you." Because it's nice of Daddy to offer even if you don't want a pancake.

Fiona: No thank you Daddy.

Dave: You should say, "No! I don't like it!"

Me: Don't ever listen to anything your father says it's all bullshit.

I see they spent my grandfather's gold well.- Secondhand Lions

We went wine tasting a couple weekends ago. Fiona was surprisingly well behaved considering this isn't really a kid friendly activity. Here are Fiona and I on the spot where Dave proposed to me. No I'm not pregnant, that shirt is just less flattering than I realised, also I swear my hair looked better that that when we left the house. Okay here is the point of this post. Is it just me or does that pond seem a leeetle small for that boat?

Have you seen Secondhand Lions? It's a pretty good movie and this picture totally reminds me of the ending.

Some advice: Find a dictionary and look up "pathetic".-Degrassi the next generation

As I walked through the room I noticed what channel the TV was tuned to.



Me: You're watching Teen Nick?



Dave: No I just bumped the channel change button by accident.



Me: Don't lie, I know Degrassi is you favorite show.



Dave: I only like the old Degrassi the new one just isn't as good.







I love when he rolls with it.

Money and women are the most sought after and the least known about of any two things we have.-Will Rogers

Dave and I stopped at Burger King. I had a bunch of ones I wanted to get out of my wallet so it would close properly so I said I'd pay.



Me: ...11, 12, 13 dollars. (hands them to clerk)



BK Girl: That's a lot of ones.



Dave: She's a stripper.



Me: Thank you David!



And then the whole BK staff and all the customers in hearing distance laughed themselves silly.

Happy five year anniversary Dave. Looking forward to the next 100.

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.-Benjamin Franklin

Dave: Gambit I'm glad you and me are friends. We're friends because I know you won't jump up on the bed in the middle of the night and crap on me.

Me: Well that's a good thing to look for in a friend.

Dave: Yep

Pause

Me: Is that why you married me?

Dave: Yeah

Don't say we aren't right for each other, the way i see it is.. we aren't right for anyone else.-The Cutting Edge

What I posted on Dave's Facebook wall.

Okay I'm NOT going to cut an paste the new status spam going around that's supposed to show how very awesome I think my husband is. Not because you aren't super cool but because I see no reason to make us both puke. You're welcome.

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.-Chili Davis

Last night I had a dream that I was trying to give Dave his birthday present but he was ignoring me, I was especially annoyed since I actually bought him something he asked for, which I usually don't because he asks for weird computer parts and things like that that I have no clue how to find let alone how to pick a good one.

It wasn't until I was on my way to work that I realized it was just a dream, I hadn't given him his gift, and I didn't even say happy birthday. Ummm oops.

Cell phone conversation

Dave: Hello

Me: So I'm a horrible person and forgot to tell you happy birthday.

Dave: Oh yeah

Me: Happy birthday. I love you.

Dave: Love you too

Me: Okay bye click

Hydration Is Important

So I was cleaning our room. It's been a while...well okay probably a year.

What I've always admitted we're slobs and hello small child on top of epic slobdom....ummm end rant.

This time I took out three garbage bags full of watter bottles.

12 Years Ago Today

My friend Jessica asked me if I'd like to go with her to a Halloween party after work. Normally I'm not a fan of parties where I don't really know anyone but I said yes. We got there and to my surprise I was having a great time. There was this one guy there that I just thought was awfully cute. Eventually I had to leave to take Jessica home but after I did that I went back to the party just so I could give my number to the cute guy. I'm very happy that I did.
I can't believe we were ever that young.

Couple Speak

Dave: Hey check it out a coupon for that place

Me: That one place we went that time?

Dave: Yeah!

Me: Cool

This is How Domestic I Am Not

I should probably already know this but I just had to look up how to bake a potato. Can you tell Dave does most of the cooking?