Out Of The Mouths Of Babes

I have a small collection of antique fruit crate labels. There's no real logic behind my choices it's just ones I like. This one is special because it's a template rather than a finished label. I was very excited when I found it and spent more on it than any of the others I have (still less than $20).

Dave doesn't like this one he says it looks like the clown is about to murder that woman.



Fiona on the other hand



Fiona: (looking at label) Daddy!



Me: The clown is Daddy?



Fiona: Yeah Daddy clown. Mama!



Me: (pointing at the lady) Is that Mama?



Fiona: Yeah Mama an Daddy.



So there you have it Mama is a pretty lady and Daddy's a homicidal clown.

Email Me At Your Own Peril

Email conversation w SIL (AB)



AB: This is a formal request to see more pictures of my niece!! I saw a picture of her toe on Dani's blog the other day but that's it in the last few months!! I know you guys are picture takers so tell me where I can see them!!

P.S. her drawing is still on our wall LOL!



AB: (cc Dave) meant to send this to Dave too... it would really help if one of you could change your name.. thanks!



Me: (reply to all) I already changed mine so it's your turn Dave. How about Chauncy?


Note: After I finally did send out some pictures I was surprised to get no response. Turns out AB went in to labor so I forgive her. That's the only good excuse for not gushing about how cute my kid is. I guess she was looking at the pictures saw how cute Fiona and our niece are and said to herself, "Alright lets do this thing". Congrats to AB&L and welcome little L. Now where are the pics of my new nephew?

Soulless by Gail Carriger

You know how I've complained about getting weird recommendations from Amazon (just recently I ordered some fishnet tights so they suggested I might like a riding crop giggle giggle snort) well here's one that worked out. I ordered some socks with birdies on them so they thought I might like this book.

I like to read so I wasn't going to dismiss a book out of hand and the synopsis sounded like something I would like so I bought it. I honestly can't tell you what this is. It's not really a romance, it's not a mystery, it's not urban fantasy, it's not a historical drama, and it's not a parody of any of those but it has elements of all those things. I wasn't sure when I started reading it but I ended up loving it. I tried to explain it to a friend at work who's also a big reader and finally had to say, "you know what I'll lend it to you". I gave it to her on Friday and was surprised when she gave it back on Monday.



Me: Did you read it?



Her: Yes



Me: Wow that was fast. Did you like it?



Her: Yes I did. In fact I liked it so much I went out and bought my very own copy.

If that's not a ringing endorsement I don't know what is.

So if you like any of those types of books you might like this one too. Or maybe just if you have a good sense of humor. I've pre ordered the second book and I'll let you all know how I like it when I get it.

Continued Smartypantsness (It's a word)

Remember the lemons yesterday? Good. Today someone brought in a bag of oranges (maybe the same person I don't know) and replaced the lemons but left the notes. Someone who must not have seen yesterdays lemons added a note saying, "These are oranges ha ha". So I added yet a fourth note saying, "It's orange solidarity."



I should take a picture and send it to the passive agressive notes blog hu?

Activist

There was a grocery bag full of lemons in the lunchroom with a note saying "Free lemons". Underneath that someone had added a note saying "Lemon oppression must end!". I giggled continued making my tea then stopped and read the note again. Hmmmm I' wasn't sure about the handwriting so I stopped at Dave's desk on the way back to mine.



Me: Did you do that?



Dave: What?



Me:In the lunchroom



Dave: (Sneaky smile and black panther salute)



I dearly love that man.

Four Different People Told Me I Looked Young*

Coworker: Damn Dani I didn't even recognize you. I was gonna ask who's kid that was?

Me: Yeah maybe the pigtails were an unfortunate choice.

Coworker: I was gonna say, Dave you dog.

Me: Yeah he gives me candy (wiggles eyebrows).


* Also the ends are excellent for tickling baby girls.

Does It Come In Diet?

Why do they always specify High Fructose Corn Syrup? Is there a low fructose variety, perhaps a medium fructose, or non fructose?

Lunchroom Musings

If I put popcorn in the toaster oven do ya think some of it would pop before it caught fire?

Comon Denominator

Jobs I've had



Dog Kennel (closed)

Yogurt Shop/Cafe (closed while I worked there)

Music/Video Store (closed while I worked there)

Credit Card Company (closed)

Insurance Agency (apparently closed, at least they are no longer in the phonebook)

Annuity Company (closed)

Bank (Still open but apparently bought)

My current company........dun dun dun!!!!

She's Taken Up Hide And Seek

She hasn't entirely got the hang of it

Useless Skills

Growing up I was a big fan of performing arts. Yeah I know that's a big news flash. I took drama starting when I was seven, choir and voice, and dance. Most of this has not been particularly useful in real life. Sure if I ever need to pretend to faint you'll be running for smelling salts (you'll probably have to run to the 18th century so start working on that time machine now), and my shower singing isn't entirely painful if you happen to overhear it. Oddly I think the one useless skill I'm proudest to have though is dancing.



What's that you say? Dancing isn't useless. No of coarse it isn't but I'm not likely to need to do any high kicks the next time I'm on a dance floor, and yes I can still do high kicks I just need to remember to stretch first (Ow). I can still



Tap dance

Hula

Polka (Hi Roses)

Belly dance (I only ever knew one move but I figure it counts)

Tomatoes Are A Memeber Of The Nightshade Family....Also They Taste Like Tomates

I asked for my order without the salsa. The server said "sure". Then my order came. I know they thought they were being nice by substituting diced tomatoes but I think they missed my point in holding the salsa.

Fashion Statement

21 Years Ago (Dude I'm Old)

Me: (Reciting poem*) Nobodylovesmenobodycaresnobodypicksmepeachesandpears....

English Teacher: You need to slow down.

Me: Nobody offers me candyorcokes Nobodylistens...

English Teacher: You need to speak slower.

Me: No, you need to listen faster.

I was sooooo lucky she liked me.



* The poem is Nobody by Shell Silverstein

Emergency!

Email conversation with my Mom



Mom: Baby's* hat is missing. Did she have it when Fiona took her to bed? I can't find it anywhere.



Me: She didn't have it on when we got home last night. I assume it's in the living room somewhere but I couldn't find it last night. In a pinch one of Fiona's leg warmers makes an okay "hat"



Mom: Okay, I'll keep looking. She's not upset at the moment, more puzzled.



Me: Last night when I brought her baby she said "oh no hat" but I assured her baby would be okay without it and she went to sleep.



Mom: I found the hat between a couple of books she was reading. Baby and her hat are reunited

Mom: (A few minutes latter) That baby has a huge head.



Clearly my definition of emergency has changed since becoming a Mom.

Lost In Translation

Fiona: Spankin, spankin, spankin

Dave: Spanking?

Fiona: Yeah, spankin

Dave: You want a spanking?

Fiona: Yeah, spankin (pointing)

Dave: Do you mean blanket?

Fiona: Yeah, bankin

Dave: Those are two completely different things. I don't think you want to get them confused.



Note: No we don't spank her

I'm Done

You know those days where everything you touch is complicated? Not one simple straight forward issue just a avalanche of the kind that makes your brain turn to jello. Yeah I've just had two of them IN A ROW and my jello brain has now turned to cherry flavored liquid oozing out my ears (I just re read that and ewww). T.G.I.F.F. Yes there IS supposed to be a second F there, think about it.

While Playing Stickers

Fiona was pointing at the stickers she wanted and I'd peel them off the paper. I was making her say what was on each one (star, flower, etc.) we got to heart which she has to think about each time.

Me: What is this?

Fiona: (Thinking hard for a minute) Please?

Me: Yeah that works.

Slowly Being Driven Insane...er

If you must have music for a ring tone please don't leave your phone on you desk unattended. See what happens is someone calls you and then it continuously loops the crappy techno music you chose FOR HOURS. I'm not a fan of this music but even if it were my favorite song ever, which would be really weird 'cause I doubt you've ever heard of my favorite song, after about 10 minutes of the repeated 5 second sound bite I'd be ready to kill....I'm gonna go with "someone" because if I said "you" that might be considered a threat.

Double Feature

I had the house to myself for several hours so I watched a couple movies, The Rocky Horror Picture Show and Up. This says something about me but I'm pretty sure I don't want to know what.

Earworm

This has been stuck in my head for months. I had to go download it from itunes.



I'm sorry or you're welcome depending on if you like it too.

Resolutions

I don't like resolutions. It's not that I'm opposed to taking a look at your life and deciding to make a change for the better. What I'm opposed to is setting an arbitrary deadline to force yourself in to making promises you don't actually intend to keep.



In that spirit* my resolution for the last ten years or so has been to stop smoking. As I've never smoked a cigarette in my life this has gone very well.



I've decided that this year I would make a list of things I have no intention of stopping and of coarse I'm sharing it with you. Fair waring at least one of these falls in to the category of TMI.



#1. I will continue to sleep with teddy bear. Her name is Johanna and I've had her since I was ten.



#2. I will continue to have way to many pets. Clearly failing at this one would be very sad.



#3. (TMI warning) I will continue to do a little naked dance while I wait for the shower to heat up. When it's cold this is a necessity but most of the time it's just fun.





*Strange little side note somehow I originally typed spitting instead of spirit and that made me laugh