Because They Allow Me to Be Snarky With Almost No Effort

Weirdly I miss Myspace surveys. No one has asked me pointless questions that I can give flippant answers to in a long time.

And I'm Not At All Sorry

You know how you hear jokes about everybody fighting or making a scene at family events? Yeah yesterday it was me. Fiona was being fussy and every singe person in the room was yelling advise on how I should be handling it. That I could ignore but it soon progressed to telling me everything I was doing wrong and culminated in my uncle thinking he was funny (he has a knack for stepping way over lines) saying, "That's it you failed as a mom". My response, "You know what, BITE ME!" Everyone went silent and I turned to face the rest of the room and said, "You can all shut the hell up. None of you has any right to criticize my parenting skills." The rest of the evening they kept their opinions to themselves.

Happy Turkey Day

Conversations with multiple friends in the last week

Friend: Are you having people over Thursday?

Me: Hell no!

Friend: (Shocked expression) blink blink

Me: I hosted three events in a week last year so this year I'm not hosting anything.

Friend: I wouldn't either


I was thinking wouldn't it be cute if I could find a picture of a baby turkey to post today. Then I realised that might make people a bit upset & then I discovered that actually they are kinda ugly so.....

Hope you have a great holiday and don't eat too much....okay well that's probably to much. I hope you don't make yourself sick.

So That's Who They're Marketing To

Hmm technical difficulties. I had a post all written. I checked it yesterday. It is now blank (well except for this which I'm writ ting now). I'll try to get it fixed. In the mean time I hope you all have a nice Holiday tomorrow.

PSA

Hey for those of you with small kids. I found out yesterday that they've recalled more cribs in the last two years than ever before. I also found out that they recalled Fiona's last January. Today they recalled her crib again for a much more serious reason (hello 4 deaths yikes!). The company that manufactures her crib will provide a free kit to fix the two issues so that's good. I thought I'd mention it in case any of you have cribs on the list. It would obviously be a very bad thing for a child to be hurt because the parent didn't have information they needed.

Slim Shots

I was sent a free sample of this product and asked to review it. Unfortunately it came while I was out of town and it took me a little while to get around to trying them.

Pros: I liked the size of the appetite suppressant shots. They look quite a bit like those little creamers they give you in restaurants. They also provided a handy dandy carry case so you could carry it around in your purse without worrying about it leaking all over the place. It did seem to work as far as suppressing the appetite, I took one when I was hungry and shortly I wasn't hungry any more.

Cons: I didn't loose any weight (actually I gained 1 pound but that's probably just normal fluctuation). I've never had much success with appetite suppressants since over eating isn't my problem. I didn't like the taste it was somehow oily(but I AM the pickiest woman alive so take that with a grain of salt)

On the whole I'd probably recommend them if you are an over eater (Hmm prior to Thanksgiving dinner might be a good idea). Although I didn't like the flavor they are so small you can just gulp it down and get it over with (kinda like cold medicine only smaller). They might also be good as a longer term supplement to a diet.

Starting to Get in the Holiday Spirit

Starbucks has gingerbread! I wait for this every year....sad I know.

Insomnia

Dear Brain,

I appreciate everything you've done for me. All the times you provided the random piece of information I needed to feel smarter than the actual Jeopardy contestants. And I forgive you for those times you were polite and let my mouth go first and it didn't work out. But if you'd just shut up for a bit so I could fall asleep that would be great.

Thanks bunches
Dani

At Least She's Polite

As we get closer and closer to Fiona's second birthday (Dec 21) she develops more charming symptoms of the terrible twos. I thought she'd been having tantrums for a while now until she had a real one the other night, yikes! She was mad because Dave took the dogs for a walk (I know he's a horrible person, call CPS). At the moment she's in the "no" stage only instead of just refusing whatever it is she says, "no thank you".

Picture this I was trying to put her to bed and she didn't want to go down(more charming behavior) so she's standing in her crib holding up her arms to me sobbing, "No thank you Mama, no thank you." She is such a weird kid. I swear I don't know where she gets it.

Conversation With Sales Lady When I Was Buying a Scarf

Sales Lady: You can buy yarn and make one just like this.

Me: Or I could just buy this one that's already made (and you get the commission)

Hydration Is Important

So I was cleaning our room. It's been a while...well okay probably a year.

What I've always admitted we're slobs and hello small child on top of epic slobdom....ummm end rant.

This time I took out three garbage bags full of watter bottles.

Pesky Neighbors

My dad was watching tv in the family room when he heard the crunch of cat food from the kitchen. He thought nothing of it until the cat strolled in to the room and he could still hear the crunching. He went in to the kitchen and turned on the light to discover that a skunk had wandered in the open back door and was helping its self to the free meal on the floor. He decided chasing the skunk out was a bad plan and left it to it's meal. Luckily the skunk decided to go back out the open door rather than explore the rest of the house.

Story I Just Remembered

Once many years ago my family went camping with my grandparents and their friends. At one point my brother who was about 6 needed to go to the bathroom and walked over to the facilities. He came back crying and said he wasn't allowed to go. When we tried to get him to explain he said "no peeing". We thought maybe there was some older kid being a bully so my Mom, Grandpa and I walked him back over to the bathroom. He ran a bit ahead an pointed at the sign out front saying "see no peeing".

No Solicicting

We put a note over the doorbell that says, "Baby sleeping" so thanks for not ringing the doorbell. However knocking isn't really better as we have dogs who make a lot of noise when they think someone wants in the house. Also when we don't answer the door knocking again is not likely to get a pleasant response. So please don't be surprised that I don't want to buy any of your magazines and all I say to you is, "BABY SLEEPING!" as I point to the note mentioned above.

My Brown Thumb

I love Orchids. They are one of my favorite flowers, the other two are Roses and Plumera (just in case you wanted to send me flowers). Over the years a few well meaning people have given me an orchid plant as a gift. Sadly I have killed them all and there have been at least .......mental counting......10 or more. I don't know what I'm doing wrong, I read up on how to care for them and followed all the instructions but they never survive. I had a two or three that I kept alive for years, they never bloomed again but I was just happy they didn't die immediately but then for no reason at all they died.



I am a multiple orchid murderer. Maybe I'll stick with silk flowers from now on.

Mixed Signals

Conversation in the car



Fiona: Ohhh song

Me: Do you like this song sweetie?

Fiona: What's it?

Me: It's called Leave Out All the Rest and the band is called Linkin Park.

Fiona: Ooooo park! I swing!

Me: Sorry honey, not that kind of park

Phrase of the Day

Traffically Impossible= 1. A phrase I accidentally coined this weekend. 2. A travel plan hindered by the difference between the amount of time it should take based on distance and the amount of time it will take based on actual road conditions.

In a sentence: The tourists plan to drive from San Francisco to Santa Cruz after lunch and be back before dinner was traffically impossible.

Chime in Ladies

Now that I'm a grown woman and get to wear fancy shoes it occurs to me that Cinderellas glass slippers would be really uncomfortable.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmmm

I went to get my lunch out of the fridge at work and noticed a half empty bottle of wine. Who is drinking wine at work and why aren't they sharing?

My Husbands Keeper

As I've mentioned before Dave and I work at the same company. Lots of people have asked how we manage to do it and not get annoyed with each other. Honestly we're kind of mellow people and just ignore the occasional annoying behavior even when we're not at work, it's just not worth the effort to get pissed about the little stuff. Also until recently we sat on opposite sides of the building and only saw each other at lunch.

However a couple weeks ago the rearranged the whole place and we now sit two cubes apart on the same aisle and yeah I'm starting to get annoyed but not at Dave. He does desktop support which means he's up and around away from his desk all day fixing things. It also means people wander over to his desk all the time looking for him and he's usually not there, so you know what they do? Guess. Yes you are so smart, they ask me where he is. I'm not his secretary, I'm not even in the same department. I wish I could post a sign that said the following:

Dear person who is about to ask me where Dave is. Thank you for your interest. I too enjoy his company, however as illustrated by the lovely rings we both wear I trust him to wander about on his own. I am unable to locate him simply by virtue of being his wife and am prevented from passing on any messages by my own job duties.

I'd probably get in trouble hu?....And no one would bother to read it.

Belated Halloween Post

I had some difficulty uploading these photos but better late than never.
"and your little dog too"

The tiny tiger cub is my newest niece (7 weeks? old). I asked special permission to post this one because this much cuteness could be dangerous.

Like mother like daughter. Here we see the Dani in her natural habitat. I'm very amused by the fact that the contracts we sent out dated 10/30 were all written by a witch or Abby from NCIS (my coworkers costume & she was so cute).

He is a Wise Man

My BIL (P): Candy that's isn't chocolate may as well be broccoli.