I Am NOT The Poop Fairy

Dear Public Restroom Non Flushers,

Why? Why don't you flush?

Did you get so distracted between doing your business and leaving the stall that you forgot? I know all that tedious pants pulling up can be time consuming. Yes I understand that a lot of public toilets do flush on their own these days but not all of them. You do realise they invented those because of you right?

Is it a germ thing? If so you need to find an alternative to leaving you excretions for the next person to find. How about just flushing and then WASHING YOUR HANDS (and if you're one of those people who doesn't wash your hands we're going to have another conversation in a minute). Or if you're not comfortable flushing with your hand try that kicking the flush with your foot thing. Or even bring a paper towel with you so you don't have to touch anything. And by the way if your worried about germs try looking up how filthy your desk and keyboard are. Here's a link.

Whatever your reason it's gross and inconsiderate of the other people who also need to use the facilities. Please stop.

Thank you,

Not The Poop Fairy

Did You Know My Maiden Name Was MacGuiver?

Okay no it was really Mc something else but....

Fiona's night light burned out and we're out of replacement bulbs. I discovered this as Dave was getting her ready for bed. Last time this happened we thought "no biggie we don't really need it to see if we go in there at night". Yeah clearly we forgot the general point of a night light which is to comfort the kid. The result was she woke up repeatedly and screamed bloody murder, actually I think we may have given up and brought her to our room.

So I went on a mission to find a suitable substitute for one night. I searched the house and found a tiny electric camping lantern. SWEET! Hmmmm it doesn't turn on but although we're out of light bulbs we've got batteries coming out our ears. I change the batteries but it turns out that bulb is burned out too. Are there any bulbs left in the universe that are not burned out aaaargh!

Then I have a stroke of genius. I took a flashlight (thankfully both batteries and bulb are in proper working order) and set it up behind a basket on her dresser. Viola night light!

I'm going to buy a gross of night light bulbs!

Dave's Observation

There are more commercials on PBS Kids than during Playhouse Disney. And you know what? I think he's right.

The Things We (Or At Least I) Do For Beauty

I never paint my nails. It's just not worth the trouble or the maintenance and.....I ALWAYS GET A WEDGIE WHILE MY NAILS ARE WET. I am so uncomfortable at the moment.

Sweet Memory

It's around 1 am Mom and I both just got home from late shifts. We're sitting in the family room winding down and chatting. My brother comes down stairs to get some ice cream and asks if we want any. We all three sit down to eat our ice cream and chat. Somehow we wind up telling dirty jokes and laughing like loons.



I don't suppose that's normal but it was a great night.

Men Are From Chatanooga

Conversation while driving and a train goes by next to the freeway.

Dave: Must be the Bakersfield Train

Me: Probably

Dave: It didn't have a luggage car

Me: That must be a guy thing

Dave: What?

Me: Knowing the identifying factors for trains and cars and stuff

Dave: Well it had two engines (like this would some how clarify things for me)

Me: Yeah that knowledge is attached to the Y chromosome dude.

To Many Choices

I keep seeing commercials for new types of birth control. The ring, the patch, the what's it 5 year thingy. If one of em works for you that's cool with me. What I'm confused by is the part where a major selling point is you don't have to remember to take it every day. Ummmmm do ya brush your teeth every day? Shower? Then I think you can remember to take a pill every day. If you don't brush you teeth and shower every day I'm pretty sure that'll work too.

I Couldn't Have Said It Better Myself

Even though we ain't got money

I'm so in love with you honey

Kenny Loggins-Danny's Song


There's nothing wrong with me loving you

And giving your self to me can never be wrong if the love is true

Marvin Gaye-Lets Get It On


Two in love can make it

Take my heart and please don't break it

Love was made for me and you

Nat King Cole-L.O.V.E.


For nobody else gave me that thrill

With all your faults I love you still

Gus Kahn-It Had To Be You


I'm gonna love you forever

Forever and ever amen

Randy Travis-Forever and Ever Amen


Happy Anniversary Dave!

Sweet Nothings

Dave: Would you like a donut of unknown vintage?

Take That Dada

Conversation while putting Fiona to bed.



Fiona: Mama (Holds out arms for hug with a big smile)

Me: (Whispers while giving hug) I love you.


Fiona: (whispers back) Vuv you.

Progress

I took her for a long walk this morning. A few minutes ago she was getting fussy so I asked, "are you ready for ni night?" She said, "yes ni nigh" so I put her down for a nap & she didn't even want me to read her a story.

HELP!

Alright I know a bunch of you are parents, and I need some advice. Actually even if your not a parent feel free to chime in if you've got a good idea.

Fiona's going to be 20 months old next week and she is still not sleeping through the night on a regular basis, also we haven't fully weaned her from bottles (which is probably part of why she still wakes up at night). Yeah I know we should have broken both these habits a long time ago but it's not like we've done this before. It's one thing to read that your child should be doing such and such by now and another thing to make it happen.

She was sleeping through the night about half the time for a while but that stopped a couple weeks ago. This week she's teething again so that just makes it all worse. We're down to one bottle at bed time and one to make her go back to sleep if she wakes up at night.

She will sleep better if she is more tired, if she's sleeping through the night we only need to drop the bottle at bed time, the way to make her more tired is more exercise. So the plan is to get her to do more physical activities. Clearly it's a good idea for us to get off our butts and move more so it should be a win win.

Here's where I need your help. What activities do/did/would you do with your young kids? I've thought of a few but I think I need more.

There's Something You Don't See Every Day Chauncy

When you ride the train there are power outlets at the tables. I've always assumed they were there so people could plug in a lap top or maybe charge a phone if they had to. Yesterday what I saw had my mouth literally hanging open, I had to remind myself that it's rude to stare gape mouthed at strangers. She had plugged in her curling iron and was styling her hair.

People I Miss Vol 3 (I Think)

A couple years ago when I was at the horrible job I've referred to a couple other times, the one where I wound up on anxiety medication, the one I'm sure contributed to my miscarriage, the one I still have nightmares about, I had an employee named Cody.

I had some awful employees but I also had a few who were pretty good, Cody was one of the good ones. The thing almost all of them had in common was they hated me, it wasn't really personal I was their boss and I was just doing my job but they didn't like it. That wasn't very pleasant.

The difference with Cody (and one of two others) was I don't think she saw me as the enemy. She'd previously been in the military and understood #1 chain of command, and #2 following the rules. We weren't good friends or anything but she treated me with professional courtesy rather than hostility or insincere politeness.

She was also the only Mom that worked there when I got pregnant and gave me quite a bit of practical advice and didn't try to tell me the "right" way to do anything. When I was about 9 weeks along I had some pretty heavy spotting. I was terrified that I was about to loose another baby. I called my Dr.'s office and they made me an appointment for later that day. In the mean time I had to go in and open. Cody happened to be one of the people working that morning. I was trying not to display how worried I was but I guess it showed because she asked what was wrong. I only said I was having a problem and I was going to the doctor latter. She looked at me for a couple seconds and said, "you're having spotting.". I blinked in surprise and confirmed she was right. She explained that she'd had the same thing happen around 9 weeks and her daughter was fine. I was so relieved. I still knew it could be very bad but I hadn't known until she told me that it might be okay. Later that day when I came back from the doctor my boss was there and...she...was just horrible to me (I don't have words to describe how miserable I was at that job). Cody interrupted her berating me to ask how things went and I was happy to report that the baby was fine although the spotting was caused by something I'd done at work.

It was just a couple weeks latter that I sat down with my boss (not the one who was so horrible to me but her boss) and had the conversation that ended my time there. I can't tell you how much better I felt when I knew I never had to go back there again but I there were a few employees I wondered about from time to time including Cody.

A few months latter Cody got in touch with me and asked if she could bring me a gift for the baby. It was a beautiful hand crocheted blanket. I was touched beyond words that she'd done that. I've never seen her since.

Cody,
If you ever stumble across this. Thank you for treating me like a human being. Thank you for some good advice. Thank you for calming me down when I was inches from panic. Thank you for the lovely blanket Fiona sleeps in it ever night.

A Note to Vladi

Dear Kitty,

I love you. I really really do but if you don't stop scratching at nothing under my bedside table while I'm trying to sleep....well I'll always remember you fondly.

Hugs and Kisses

Mom

Where Did She Learn This Language?

Alright I know she got "action" from The Wiggles, the fake sneeze is from The Imagination Movers, and she can sing the Calliou theme song. The S word (Aren't we proud?Actually a little because she used it in context.) well she must have gotten that from Dave because I am always lady like and never use such language::Nose grows alarmingly::

Here's the one I don't get. Twice while I was getting dressed Fiona has pointed at the appropriate body part and said, "Boob".

A Great Turn of Phrase

Overheard comment by dark skinned waiter admiring other patrons tattoo*.

"I couldn't get one like that. With my.....hereditary pigment limitations....pastel colors don't show up on me"


*It really was quite pretty.

Prudent Shoping

Conversation when Dave got home from going out to get Teflon tape to fix a leaky watter filter.



Dave: Why do I even go to K-Mart?

Me: They didn't have the tape?

Dave: Nope.

Me: Have they ever had what you went there for, even once?

Dave: No

Me: (Noticing bag in hand) What did you buy?

Dave: Dukes of Hazard seasons 4 and 6.

Me: (Nodding head in understanding remaining silent)

Thought for the Day

Revenge may be a dish best served cold but so is ice cream. And we all know how tasty ice cream is.

Proper Wine & Food Pairing

Me Thinking:

Mmmm this wine is tasty.

Tashty.

Hmm I'm slurring my thoughts.

Oh wait dinner, I should eat dinner.

What to go with this lovely Fume Blanc?

Ahh fish sticks perfect.

White wine with fish right?