My Sister in Law Will Love This

I have many in laws. Dave's one of five kids and they're all married so that gives me 4 BIL's and 4 SIL's and it must be confusing since I don't use their names here. I just thought it would be a bad idea to put their names out there without permission, so to simplify here's a key using initials.

T=Dave's older sister married to G has two kids (niece and nephew)

B=Dave's Twin brother married to J

P=Dave's younger brother married to AK

AB=Dave's younger sister married to L and the SIL I was referring to in the title.


If strangers feel the need to but in to my business I'm not going to be polite. As a matter of fact there are two stories that are pretty much legendary among my friends where I was flat out rude to strangers who were pissing me off. My SIL AB finds them hilarious I think because I said the things we all think but generally know better than to say. Well I did it again this morning but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Let me tell you the other two stories so you can really grasp the true level of my insanity and determine who are the proper authorities to report me to.

#1. When I still worked at the music store (11 years ago) there was a day when my lunch got destroyed (long not interesting story) and I was having cramps (you know what I'm talking about) so I was in a bad mood as I tried to race over to the nearest store (Target) to get something to eat and some Advil on my 30 minute break. When I parked I pulled in fast so I was crooked in the spot. I was still entirely in the spot not crossing in to the next spot but pretty crooked. As I got out of the car this woman who had to be 80+ who was parked next to me starts complaining that she can't pull out because of the way I was parked. She so could have but rather than argue I got back in my car and re parked a few spaces away. I was still holding it together but she started following me in to the store giving a monologue about how young people today are so disrespectful and in her day blah blah blah. I hadn't been rude at all (yet) I moved my car for her and didn't complain but the speech was just one damn thing too many. I turned around suddenly so she almost ran in to me looked down at her (she was probably a foot shorter than me) and said in the most serious tone I have ever used, "Lady if I don't get something to eat and some pain killers in about 30 seconds I'm actually going to kill you". I think her Depends got a work out. Once I'd eaten and the Advil took effect I felt a little guilty since I'm generally really respectful to my elders. I think she did deserve a talking to but maybe a death threat was taking a bit to far.

#2 (AB's favorite) About 9 years ago Dave and I and some friends were going to a mall. I was driving my Jeep. Our friends were acting stupid and annoying me so again I was a little crabby going in to the situation. This mall is always crowded and it's hard to find a parking spot and literally all the spots are compact spots. Since it was the 90's in Marin everyone had SUV's so this lot was a nightmare. I finally found a space it was a little bit narrow but I squeezed in and we got out. As we walked in to the mall I made some comment about it not being the easiest parking job I'd ever had and some stranger who was walking behind us shouts, "Well you shouldn't park your truck in a compact spot". What went through my mind was "first of all it's not a truck, secondly they're all compact spots, and lastly who asked you." What came out of my mouth was "F*#k off A**hole". My friends laughed so hard and were all, "Way to go Dani". That one I didn't feel guilty about at all. People in that area are pushy and rude and that guy deserved it.

#3 This morning I was getting gas on my way to work when this girl approached me. I'm always wary of people who try to talk to you at the gas station, there are a lot of scammers. She didn't look scary though. I actually had time to think I liked her outfit it was a pink cardigan and a pink plaid skirt, she sorta had a rockabilly thing going but without the irony. I thought she was going to ask for directions or something but almost before she started talking I realised she has a handful of Wachtower pamphlets and said before my internal censor could take effect, "Don't even start. I will hurt you". The poor thing said "Okay. Thank you. Have a nice day." and scurried off so fast. I almost immediately felt bad about that one. One of my major peeves is people who think not only that they can run my life better than I can but that they have the rite to tell me this. Usually I'm just firm with them that I'm not interested but I hadn't had my coffee so this poor girl who I'm sure honestly meant well got my honest feelings.

I should point out that these incidents were few and far between and although I threatened violence in 2 cases I was just feeling mean enough to scare them. I would never actually hurt anyone. Now I have you totally scared of me (um yeah sorry about that). Have a good Tuesday.