Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Me for president

As a general rule I'm not very interested in politics. I mean I keep track of what's going on and I vote but mostly it just seems to be a bunch of incompetent, dishonest people behaving like children. I'm not sure if I've just gotten cynical (well more cynical than I already was) or if politicians have gotten more slimy but I'm really disillusioned with the whole process.

To quote South Park, "It's always a choice between a giant douche and a turd sandwich". In this case however it seems to be a choice between a giant douche, a turd sandwich, and a decomposing weasel. I don't assign these roles to any specific candidate they are all interchangeable.

I think it's the dishonesty that annoys me the most. None of em will give a straight answer to any question and if you dig a bit in to the things they do say half the time it turns out it's not true. Sometimes it's an exaggeration and sometimes it's a flat out lie. We already know these people are liars. Why on earth would we want them to run the country?

So I've decided I'd like to run for president. Not because I'd like the job but because I'd enjoy getting up there and just being honest. "Yes I inhaled", "I had premarital sex", "I say we drill here and let the people of the middle east fend for themselves".

Here's my platform:

1. Legalize all the drugs. Treat them just like cigarettes and alcohol (people are going to do them anyway ya might as well tax em). However to get any government assistance (welfare, medicare, unemployment) you have to pass regular drug tests. If you are caught driving under the influence you will be arrested (just like alcohol).

2. The death penalty should be more widely applied, rapists, child molesters, people who abuse animals (hello serial killer in the making).

3. Build and man a wall on the boarder. I have no problem with people from Mexico. This country was founded by immigrants. However there is a system for entering the country legally and you need to respect that. We learned this rule in elementary school, no cuts.

Sure I wouldn't win and some people (many in fact) would be horribly offended by my views but wouldn't it be refreshing to have a candidate get up and actually stand for what they believe?

Finally a quote from Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, "it is a well known fact that those who most want to rule people are ipso facto those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary, anyone who is capable of getting themselves elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job"

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