Even when freshly washed and relieved of all obvious confections, children tend to be sticky.-Fran Lebowitz

I wasn't feeling very well so I stayed home in bed watching reruns of My So-Called Life while Dave took Fiona out to old town. They came home and Fiona came running in to our room, "Mommy Mommy I brought you something!" Turned out to be a chocolate covered Rice Krispy square.

They're kinda awesome and I love them. Dave and Fiona I mean, though I could also be said to have affection for chocolate covered Rice Krispy squares.

This shirt is dry clean only, you know what that means? It's dirty!-Mitch Headberg

My hair has reached new heights in greasiness.

There's something wrong with out hot watter heater. The pilot light keeps going out. We've re lit it three times in the last 24 hours. Dave called the landlord, I assume they will call a plumber or something.

I usually only wash my hair every third day but it was due today. Unfortunately it was as I was getting ready to shower this am that I discovered there was no hot watter (again). I boiled some watter and took a bath but I didn't want to try to wash my hair in the tub also the watter wasn't that deep (I may be slightly smelly as well as greasy).

I don't know when the watter heater will be fixed. I can't decide if I want to try to boil enough watter to wash my hair or see just how long I can go before random strangers start chasing me down like an Axe commercial.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.-Redd Foxx

Sooooooo ummmmmmmm....

Well...

Uh...

Okay I haven't been feeling very well. I didn't mention it because to mention it would be to acknowledge the possibility that I've got heart problems or possibly had a small stroke or ya know a brain tumor. So clearly denial was the best way to handle this right?

But now that I'm insured I bit the bullet and went to the Doctor. Turns out I've got migraines. Much less scary than heart issues, stroke, or brain tumor but still, did you know migraine symptoms can seem that scary?

Dizzy Spells
Tingling in your hands and arms
Flashing lights
Blind spots in your vision
Sensitivity to light
Weakness in the limbs
Unexplained irritation or depression (At the time I thought that was PMS)

Honestly the headaches we're the least of my problems. In hind sight this has been going on for years in fact some of those symptoms are why they put me on anxiety medication. Guess I'm not crazy after all...okay fine that's taking it to far...didn't want to change the name of my blog any way.

Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?-Author Unknown

If I've ever been guilty of this I apologise.

Have you ever noticed how people who think they eat healthy are all bragy about it? You know instead of just saying, "I'm having a snack" they have to say, "I'm eating soy curd with organic humus."

It's great if they really do eat a healthy balanced diet but really am I supposed to congratulate them on not eating crap. It seems like saying, "good on you for not running in to traffic." or "Wow it's great they way you manage not to drown in the bathtub."

Soap and water and common sense are the best disinfectants.-William Osler

PSA

Learn from my mistake. Don't keep your toothbrush right next to the soap dispenser.

My mouth is more squeaky clean than minty fresh right now. Blech!

Well I guess I got the better end of the deal over the weekend. Fiona came down with a stomach bug in Tahoe. She's mostly better but Dave came down with it last night after they got home. So I'm taking care of them both today. I'm sure I was exposed to it thoroughly before we realised Dave was sick so....since Dave got it about two days after Fiona if I'm going to get it I should get sick Wednesday or Thursday. Yay!

I hope no one else who was in Tahoe caught it. I realise that's probably wishful thinking.

Science does not know its debt to imagination.-Ralph Waldo Emerson

Dave has decided to become a bone marrow donor. The packet came with the cheek swab kit. Dave was reading the instructions while making a pb&j sandwich.

Dave: I think I'll wait until after I finish eating. I don't want to get a response saying, "we regret to inform you that your DNA indicates you are a strawberry."


Side Note: Did you know there aren't any funny quotes about DNA? Seems like a subject that should be a laugh a minute.

Eat right, exercise regularly, die anyway.-Author Unknown

Dear Friends,

I'm sick AGAIN! Ahhhh the joys of having a young child. I've actually gone through two entire boxes of Kleenex and am well in to a third. I'm getting better though so I'm sure I'll be up to posing again soon. If I don't get around to it before Friday have a great New Year. My plans involve laying around watching movies and sleeping and that's got nothing to do with being sick, that's just my idea of a good time.

Lots O' Love
Dani

If nature had intended our skeletons to be visible it would have put them on the outside of our bodies.-Elmer Rice

Well hello there hip bones. Been a while hasn't it? Let me introduce you to definition in my calves where I didn't even know I was fat until I developed definition. I'm hoping my abs will be coming to the party as well. It's been even longer since I saw them than since I saw you dear hip bones.

I nicknamed everyone in the gym. It was easier than remembering their names.-Joe Gold

Dear guy at the gym with the old timey waxed handlebar moustache,

I kept expecting you to break in to this routine.


*

You go guy at the gym with the old timey waxed handlebar moustache! You go!

Love
Dani

*Sorry about the quality of this clip but it's the only one I could find.

Criticism is prejudice made plausible.-H. L. Mencken

Fiona: You go take a shower



Me: I will when Daddy gets home (Dave ran to the store). Why, am I stinky?



Fiona: Yeah. You poo poo



Me: I did not!



Fiona: You farted



Me: No!



Fiona: You shower Mama



Me: Thanks a lot kid.

A bear, however hard he tries, grows tubby without exercise. ~A.A. Milne

A few thoughts at the gym


Ace of Cakes is an odd viewing choice

Are bedazzled workout pants necessary? Are they even comfortable?


A grown woman who has to hook her bra in the front and then turn it around? Wait maybe that's normal I don't actually see many other women getting dressed.


I need a stronger deodorant

Why do so many women leave their bags in unlocked lockers?*

Dude at the next machine, I know the arm thingy I'm wearing makes it possible to see what's playing on my ipod but it's not necessary for you to lean in to my personal space to read the tittle each time a song changes.





* Low and behold the other day as I in the locker room a lady came back from her workout and discovered her purse had been stolen. Another lady asked if she'd had a lock and she said "no" in a tone that suggests this was a ridiculous thing to ask under the circumstances.

California can and does furnish the best bad things that are obtainable in America.-Hinton R. Helper

Dear State of California,

BITE ME! I just received my new drivers licence and discovered that your new policy is to make me an organ donor as default. I DON'T THINK SO!

I immediately went to the organ donor registry web site and removed myself but if I want a new licence, ya know one that doesn't have a pink dot on it telling any harvest happy Dr. I may meet that they can have my bits n' pieces I have to deal with the DMV.

Now don't get me wrong I don't have an issue with organ donation in itself. But if I'm in the process of dying I'd rather Dave make the call rather than giving blanket permission for a stranger to just take what they want.

Also I have BIG problems with the government making decisions about my body (guess which side I came down on in the health care debate). I didn't need another reason to want to move out of this state but thanks so much for making me hate it just a little more.

Sincerely,
One pissed of California Gurl


BTW this also happened to one to Dave's coworkers so it's not just a mix up.

I love that I'm able to work from home when I need to but Fiona has another cold (toddlers are fun!). She's had a fever for the last three days so no one in the house has slept very well for the last three nights. I'm trying to take care of her while getting my work done.

It is exhausting.

I know I had something or other I wanted to write and I think it was funny but I have no clue what it was any more.

I'm allergic to food. Every time I eat it breaks out into fat.-Jennifer Greene Duncan

I weighed myself this morning and I only have 5.9 pounds to go to my goal. I started out with 12. I'm more than half way there!

I thought I'd earned the right to brag for a moment.

I believe in luck: how else can you explain the success of those you dislike?-Jean Cocteau

I spoke to soon.

So guess who came down with the stomach flu on Friday? I'll give you a clue, she's blonde, adorable, and nope not Fiona.

I'm so freaking tired of being sick. At this rate I'll reach my weight loss goal with no effort on my part. I'd rather do it the hard way.

Anything Your Heart Desires Will Come Too You-When You Wish Upon A Star

Wednesday June 16 we loaded up Fiona, paid a service to keep the pets from starving (actually she over fed Vladi and he looks like he needs to unbutton his pants but he's not wearing any) and got on a plane to go to Orlando, FL to meet up with almost all of Dave's side of the family (BIL B & SIL J are expecting a baby in the next month or so, so traveling cross country was understandably not on their to do list) to celebrate Dave's Dad's 60th birthday in Disney World.

So that means we had 10 adults and 5 kids (2 who are under a year) to organize. Almost the whole southern half of the family had just had the stomach flu (My FIL and one niece were the only ones who didn't get sick ) so we were worried about possibly catching that. These things combined with the logistics of traveling with a two year old just did not have me looking forward to this trip.

Maybe I cursed us or maybe I was just right about the potential for badness but the trip started out every bit as hellish as I expected. Fiona decided on the first leg of the airplane journey that she wanted to "go home". She was in full on melt down mode for the entire 3 plus hour flight sobbing, "Wanna go home Mama, wanna go home". If it hadn't been so frustrating it would have been heartbreaking. She continued to loose it and tell us, "Wanna go home" for the rest of that day until she finally passed out from exhaustion. Then when she woke up....it started again.

Either Fiona didn't get the memo about Disney being "The happiest place on earth" or she got the memo but couldn't read it 'cause she's only two. But we said "You're going to the parks and you will like it!". And in a way she did. She liked the shows and rides but in between she continued her mantra of "Wanna go home Mama, wanna go home". Eventually we were so worn down by it we took her back to the room and let her cry herself to sleep.

Friday was better she was still kinda grumpy and asked to go home a lot but we found something she loved, the teacups. We only had one really bad meltdown but after we fed her lunch she was almost her normal sweet self. Everyone was supposed to go out to dinner that night to celebrate FIL's birthday but there was no way Fiona was going to make it that late so Dave went and I stayed with Fiona who took a nice long nap and woke up happy. When they got back from dinner we went down to the pool (which she may have loved more than the teacups) and swam with my niece and nephew. Hilariously my niece and Fiona had matching swimsuits (Walmart is the place to shop). The hotel also did something really cool. On Friday nights they put up a big screen and show a movie at the pool. So we watched Toy Story 2 and then went back to the room to go to bed.

Just when it looked like things were getting better Dave, his brother P, sister T, and both nieces came down with the stomach flu in the middle of the night. Yeah I won't give you a play by play on that one but I will say that at least in our room it was like that one scene in Team America World Police (If you haven't seen it, it's a hilarious movie but the part I'm referring to is disgusting). So Dave spent Saturday in our room being miserable and I spent it trying to keep Fiona and myself away from him as much as possible so we wouldn't catch it too, which is not easy when we are all living in one room. Luckily Fiona chose that day to adapt to the situation and go back to being her normal happy self (I think the pool helped).

Sunday morning everyone was pretty much recovered if a little weak and we all went to breakfast at Chef Mickeys which is a buffet where you get to meet the characters. This was definitely when Fiona started to not just accept but enjoy the trip. Not only did she meet Minnie, Pluto, and Goofy but she got to meet and get kisses from Mickey House* (Donald was there too but for some reason none of the kinds were excited about him). Then we went back to the park and had a great day including riding the teacups twice. That night Dave heard her talking in her sleep and the only word that was clear was "teacups."

Monday we did Epcot and she met Tigger and Pooh and tried to give them the stuffed Eeyore I had just bought her. We had dinner in the France section (I think the restaurant was called Plate Du Jour) and it was a really excellent meal, I recommend the lobster bisque and my FIL says the onion soup is the best he's ever had. We got to the meet the chef, which I won't tell you about in case you ever go 'cause I don't want to spoil the surprise but it was charming.

Tuesday was Animal Kingdom. I think Fiona's favorite part was just hanging around with her cousin. Honestly I'll skip Animal Kingdom and Epcot if I ever go again but others may feel differently.

Then Wednesday we got back on a plane to come home. This time Fiona was great the whole trip. Actually she slept the whole second leg which is my favorite way to travel with her.

So we're home. Fiona, SIL AK, FIL, and I all seem to have avoided the stomach flu (knock on wood) which is particularly good in my FIL's case since he made it through multiple rounds and it would have sucked extra hard to get it on his birthday. Once we process them I'll post some pics. Don't worry this won't turn in to a travel log but we got a few that were funny or cool.


*We watch the Mickey Mouse Club House on the Disney channel and so Fiona thinks his name is Mickey House not Mickey Mouse.

One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.-Bob Marley

Okay I know I've been a whiny little b**ch lately complaining. "I don't feel good", "I have a cold", "wah wah wah" but this is just ridiculous. I coughed so hard I damaged a rib. It's sticking out and tender to the touch and hurts like a motherf***er every time I have to cough. I looked it up and it's possible to crack a rib from coughing. Now I don't want to be a drama queen (right this minute) so I figure it's more likely a bruised or pulled muscle but come on why can't I just get a normal cold? I don't need to win the "I am so sick" contest. Okay end rant but that's why I haven't been so much with the funny or creative so be patient with me. I promise some day when I can breathe without pain I'll return to your regularly scheduled nonsense.

All the things one has forgotten scream for help in dreams.-Elias Canetti

One of the things I hate the most about being sick are the fever dreams. I don't know if everyone gets these but I have horrible anxiety dreams when I'm sick. My Mom still laughs at one I had as a teenager where I had to make tiny lawnmowers out of barbie body parts. I remember another from when I was in elementary school where I had to sort stacks of paper but my thumbs were huge (that one still upsets me). Here are a few I had during this recent bought of grossness (yay child in daycare bringing home all kinds of fun things).


1. I had to build video clips out of my cold. This one was probably because I fell asleep while Dave was watching Tosh.0.

2. I was moving in to my new room in my parents house and I was irritated because in an effort to be helpful they had tried to decorate it for me with some random unattractive crap*. I was trying to undo the damage taking down everything I could including a couple pictures that actually were up in my room when I was a kid and I always hated and I was getting pissed ('cause I'm generally so calm and non tantrumy) but when I got to the bed they put together for me and discovered it was a toddler bed I kinda lost it and started throwing things and yelling at my brother who came in to calm me down (I felt like a dick when I woke up).


3. Some superhero clad weirdo stole a...I don't know what it was...water ski thingy from a friend from work and filled it with used oil. Because I watch so many forensic shows I figured they could trace to oil back to the vehicle so we didn't want to pour it out. The problem was apparently friend from work was planing some sort of spectacular stunt and had flares all over the place and we had t remove them without blowing up. The dogs barked and woke me up so I'm not sure how that was gonna end.


*This part could totally happen we do not have the same taste. One time a couple years ago I was at their house for dinner we were discussing the fallout in some family we knew when the parent died and the kids all started fighting over the estate. My Dad made a joke about me having to wait a while for "all this". I looked at him like he was crazy and said "I don't want any of this junk."

No energy to find a quote

I still feel like hell but thought this was funny (it might be the fever though). Fiona who is probably even more miserable than me because she's to little for cold medicine and cough drops is very concerned about me. We are laying on the couch together and every time I cough she does this weird thing where she sits up reaches her arm behind her and awkwardly pats...my boob. I'm not sure what she's trying to do but I appreciate the comfort.