Sans Panties

Why is it called "Going Commando" when someone doesn't wear underwear? It seems to me that what with all the gear they have to strap on commando's would have a chafing issue if they didn't wear undergarments.

Why Won't She Call Me Mama? WHY?

Fiona can say Daddy


She calls my Mom Woof Woof (There's a story there, I'll tell ya later)


Apparently yesterday she called my Dad Gapaw


Me, nothin'. She has never called me anything....well okay that isn't true, the other night she called me Daddy and she calls everyone Baby now and then but no Mommy, Mama, Ma, hey you lady, nothin' :(




Conversation with my Dad lamenting my lack of title:

Me: I just wish she'd call me something, anything as long as I knew it meant me.

Dad: Aw but you're the centre of her universe.

Me: No she's a Daddy's girl. I'm just her first apartment.

An Extreem Craving for Cheetos?

I can't for the life of me come up with a feasible scenario that would explain why there was a lady at the grocery store wearing a towel, and apparently nothing else.




Also: Happy birthday Mom!

Those Newfangled Machines

Phone: Ring ring ring

Me: Hello

Phone: Screech squeal scream (fax sounds)

Me: Ahhh(hang up phone)

Email: Dear Dani, Regarding your requests for _____document I faxed it to you 6/15 and again just now please let me know ASAP if you do not receive it.

Me (via email): Did you fax it to (insert fax #)

Email: I faxed it to (insert telephone #)

I double check the email originally sent to make sure I gave her the correct info and I did.

Me (via email): That's my phone number. Please fax it to (insert fax #)


Alright we've all made that mistake. I've done it myself. But if someone doesn't receive the thing you're sending ya might want to check that you're using the correct number also hold the attitude. I'm just sayin.

Which Came First the Chicken or the Nugget?

Does anyone else find it odd that McNuggets come in a few specific shapes? Do they have molds? There's the boot, the semi pointy, and the ovalish shape. Did some market research person actually spend time determining that these were the shapes people wanted their breaded processed chicken in?

I'm Too Old to Sound This Young

Words I really need to work on omitting from my vocabulary, or at least begin using correctly:

Dude-As in, "Dude, that is crazy"

Like-As in, "And I'm like, that is not cool"

All-As in, "He's all grumpy now"

Technical Dificulties

Hi Everyone,

I usually write my posts ahead of time and then set them to publish throughout the week. For some reason the last few have failed to publish at the scheduled times, or in fact at all. I'm not sure if this is a problem with Blogger or I'm doing something wrong. So please bear with me while I find a work around. Posting may be sporadic or late in the day for a bit.

Much Love
Dani

And He Cleans Himself With His Tongue Ewwwww

Fiona peed in the tub. Dave pulled her out so she wouldn't be stewing in her own juices so to speak. Distracted he didn't drain the tub.



A few hours later we were in bed watching tv and hear this strange thumping scrambling noise. I got up to investigate. Why are there wet spots in the hall? I returned to bed puzzled unable to determine the cause of either the noise or the drops of watter.



Vladi jumps up on the bed looking mighty irritated. I reach over to pet him. He's wet



Me: Hahahahahaha!



Dave: What?



Me: (wheezing) He fell in the bathtub



I have no idea what he was doing but boy was he surprised to find the tub full.

My Heart Belongs to Daddy

18 months ago today Dave became a father.

Last year to celebrate Fiona and I got him a marshmallow gun and a t-shirt that said, "Ask me about my explosive diarrhea." Maturity is over rated.

Happy Fathers day Dave. Happy 18 month birthday Fiona. I love you both!

La Traviata

Conversation with coworker when she saw my dress hanging up in my cube on Friday,

CW: Are you going somewhere tonight?

Me: No, I dress up every night after you guys leave.

CW: (looks at dress) It's a bit formal for a casual Friday

Me: Touche



We had a nice time. Dinner was great. I did have a glass of wine but I didn't throw anything at the stage and I didn't yell out Freebird. I yelled, "Duo Che soave zeffiretto" instead which I guess was still a faux pas.*

Unfortunately we were a few minutes late getting to the opera so we missed the very beginning but it's not like we knew what they were saying any way. They did have subtitles but I suspect they paraphrased because it sure took them a long time to say, "I am so distraught" or,"You are the light of my world". We both agreed the singing was beautiful but the acting was meh. We were confused by the dancing, either they were supposed to be really bad in which case they did a great job, or they were actually terrible which seemed weird considering it's a fairly prestigious Opera company. We were also both surprised that we only recognised one little bit of the music. Not that either of us is much of an expert on opera but you do hear it in movies or commercials sometimes.

Over all we enjoyed the evening but I don't think either of us is going to turn in to a regular opera goer. On the other hand we both like going to the theatre so maybe we'll make going out something we do more often.


*Duo Che soave zeffiretto is from Les noces de Figaro (the marriage of Figaro) which is Mozart and La Traviata is Verdi . I know this was a terrible joke but it seemed like a good idea at the time and I'd spent so much time googaling I thought I'd better use it.

Off to the Opera

Tonight I'm going to the Opera with my sister in law (AK). She's going to pick me up from work and then we're going to have a nice dinner before going to the show. AK teased me that I should take advantage of having a designated driver. So if you hear on the news that some lady at the San Francisco opera threw her panties at the stage, held up a lighter, and screamed, "Freebird!" You'll know that was me.

Freud Would Know

When I was a kid I used to like to drink chocolate milk from a brandy snifter. I don't know why. I don't even like brandy now.

A Few Thoughts On My Day Off

Why was I having a dream that my friend Puddin needed to burrow my sheets?

Even taking a toddler to the Doctor is better fun than going to work.

Should I die my hair?

If we won the lottery what would I give everyone?

Aww crud! I should probably get something for MY Dad. Hmmmm bookstore?.....Mmmmmm bookstore!

Who Buy's These Things?

I am pro heal. Yep I'm one of those ladies who wears stilettos most days and sometimes other women ask me how I manage that. The fact of the matter is I'm used to it, and I sit a lot. One upside is virtually everyone I know thinks I'm tall which isn't true, I'm 5'4" which is average.

However I was looking for a pair of sandals for Fiona because the pair she had were in the diaper bag that was stolen (Okay I'll shut up about that now, it just pisses me off). I saw several different pairs for toddlers with a heal. Why? Is there a demand for sexier toddlers? Do their cute little pudgy legs look nicer if they have a little heal? Are Moms so fascinated with fashion that they feel the need to buy shoes that can't be comfortable and I'm sure aren't easy for a small child to walk in?

When I was about ten I recall going with my Mom to several shoe stores trying to find sandals for me that didn't have a heal, but that was because I was wearing adult sizes. We eventually gave up and I wound up with a pair very similar to the ones pictured below except much larger and I'm sad to say in a tropical palm tree print.

Here's the thing, these shoes are very cute. I would wear them myself but they come in toddler sizes and that just doesn't seem appropriate to me.

Gambit's Quirk

I mentioned not that long ago that I seem to write more about Sammy and Vladi than Gambit because he's just not that funny. Yesterday when I was bringing home some new clothes I got for Fiona to replace the ones stolen in her diaper bag last week I remembered the funny thing that Gambit does.

Gambit likes the smell of brand new clothes. He doesn't care any more once they've been washed but when you bring home anything new he gets excited and won' leave you alone until you let him stick his head in the bag and sniff them. I don' t know what it is that he find so appealing but there you go.

You can see below what I mean about him being generally dignified though.

Yeah the cat's butt does mar that last one but Gambit looks handsome.

They Have Creams For That Ya Know

I have not read this book. It may be the greatest Romance Novel ever written. It may in fact be a great work of literature. I have no idea.



What I do know is it looks like the lady on the cover is scratching her butt. This does not appeal to me.

What Does This Picture Say to You?

A) Dani needs to clean her counters so she has more room

B) Dani & Dave found a good way to make Fiona sleep

I Was in Such a Good Mood....Now Not So Much

What's this? A double post? Oh joy, did something interesting or exciting happen in the Daniverse?

Well yes and no. Technically getting your car broken in to is both interesting and exciting but not in a good way.

Things they took:

Dave's golf clubs
The travel DVD player (the car ride with Fiona tomorrow morning is going to suck)
Everything in the glove compartment (what they are going to do with expired insurance cards and the users manual to a '03 Saturn Ion I don't know)
Fiona's diaper bag (not valuable but there were some clothes I liked and she needed, she's at the age where she destroys almost everything she wears)
My cute little white jacket from Old Navy (okay in the scheme of things not important but hey I liked it)
Probably a bunch of other stuff we haven't realised was missing yet.

You'd think with some of the thing I post that we live in the ghetto. Actually we live in a nice middle class neighborhood. It's just that the criminals don't stay in their own neighborhoods. Sigh.

I just can't wait till we can move out of CA. I love CA, I really really do but we can have a much nicer life else ware.

Ear Worm

When I was seven I went to camp. I learned a song there, you may know it too.



The lord is good to me

And so I thank the lord

For giving me the thing I need

The sun and the rain and the apple seed

The lord is good to me.



It has been stuck in my head ever since. Twenty seven freaking years! Gahhhhhh!

It's Not What You Think

I had to run to the grocery store for just a couple items. As the clerk was ringing me up she gave me puzzled look but didn't say anything. It occured to me later that my purchase of cat food and Draino probaly gave the wrong impression.

To the Judgemental Lady in Fosters Freeze

Dear Lady who thought it was "disgusting" that I was allowing my daughter to have ice cream and french fries,

#1. If you're going to insult strangers it would probably be a good idea to make sure they don't hear you. I'm not the type to make a scene in public but that's not true of everyone particularly when you're insulting their parenting skills.

#2. You were having lunch in Fosters Freeze. Hello kettle this is the pot.

#3. I hate to be rude but I'm going to have to say you're fat. I am within the proper weight range for my height. I think of the two of us I'm probably a better person to learn eating habits from.

#4. Are you honestly telling me you don't think it's acceptable to let children have a treat occasionally. If so I'm very glad you aren't my mom.



Sincerely,
The lady who's daughter LOVES vegetables

You Gotta Try This

I heard years ago that to avoid crying when you cut onions you should chew mint gum. I haven't had a good opportunity to try it out. I don't use onions often and the few time I have I didn't have an gum until...

Tonight I was making risotto and had to chop up a shallot and an onion. By the time I finished the shallot my eyes were burning and starting to watter and I remembered, I HAVE GUM IN MY PURSE! So I went and got a piece and my eyes felt better immediately. I had no reaction at all to the onion. I have no idea why it works but it does.

I'm not saying you should run out and buy some Trident and an onion but next time you are buying an onion grab a pack of gum too.

Me Recent Days

5:15: Do I need to get up? No not for over an hour. Try to go back to sleep.

5:45: Do I need to get up? No not yet.

6:04: Do I need to get up? Half an hour still. Doze off.

6:27: Might as well just get up. Get in shower.

6:45: Get out of shower. Make coffee. Get snack/breakfast for Fiona.

7:30: Leave for work.

8:30 (ish): Get to work.

8:30-1:00: Work like the world will end if I slow down. Wonder why I didn't eat breakfast.

1:oo: Lunch! Glorious lunch. All foods that will fit in my mouth will be accepted, pickiness is cast aside.

1:45: Return to desk check personal email and such.

2:00: Back to working like a crazy person.


3:00: Don't go for walk with my friend because I'm to busy.

5:30: Leave for home exhausted. Enjoy the ride home though listening to music or maybe reading a book (I'm not driving).

6:30-7:00: Arrive home. Either make dinner for Fiona, give her bath and put her to bed or feed pets, do dishes, pick up living room (Dave and I take turns).

8:30: Finally a few minutes for me. Internet? Book? Oh the possibilities.

9:00-9:30: Turn off light watch TV for a few mins.

10:00 (ish): Fall asleep





So in all my copious free time I've decided to go back to school. See name of blog if you need an explanation.

A Kind Act

Twelve or so years ago someone stole my wallet from the back room of the store I worked in. This would be unpleasant under any circumstances but I discovered this as I was going to lunch so not only had I been robed but I also didn't have any money to buy lunch*.


It was a bad night. By the time I was able to go home I was in an awful mood.

As I walked to my car I could see something on the driver side window. It was a frog. I assumed it was one of the tree frogs that live all over town but when I got to my car I found out it wasn't real. It was ceramic.

At the time I collected frogs (I've got a tattoo of one on my leg) so short of getting my wallet back this was the nicest thing I could have received. To this day I don't know if one of my friends did it to cheer me up and never took credit or if it was just a weird coincidence.

So to whoever it was, thank you. I still have it.





*Several years latter a friend/co-worker had her purse stolen. At lunch time that day she didn't have anything to eat. I said, "Come on. I'm buying you lunch." She tried to say I didn't have to do that. I told her I wanted to.

Something Not to Say to Girl on a First Date

Conversation back in the day when I was single, in other words a looooooooooooooong time ago. I agreed to meet this guy for coffee.

He: You have really nice fingernails.

Me: Thanks, I was actually born with long nails (probably because I was late).

He: I was born with an unusually large head.

pause

pause

pause

To this day I can't think of an appropriate response to that.

What Does This Mean?

Every boyfriend I ever had (including Dave) had the same middle name. This has always struck me as weird. Is Patrick that common of a middle name? Do I just really like Irish guys? Would the universe as we know it end if I'd dated a guy with a different middle name? That last one scares me a little.

Food For Thought

You might not think it but Let's Get It On is perfect music for eating Cheerios.

Another Daniverse Rule

Dogs eat before people.



The idea is that they won't be hungry and won't want our food. It doesn't work at all but it is the rule so we stick to it.