The Things That Entertain Us

Dave built a photography studio in our garage. He's really quite good. Much better than he gives himself credit for. He took my profile pic which should give you some idea of how good he is. Saturday night we got a little silly. Since he was shooting digital no one was ever gonna see these pics so....I know where your mind is going and are you ever gonna be disappointed....we recreated glamor shots. You remember glamor shots rite? They were in the mall and took those super soft focus pictures of women with big hair and too much jewelry. They were meant to be glamorous, and probably were at the time but now they're dated and humorous.

I Reiterate

As we were driving to work this morning the host on the radio show Dave listens to said "when ever I say that I'm brandished as an example of blah blah blah". Okay I say this for the last time people. You can not be waived in a threatening manner, unless you are very small. I suppose I could attempt to brandish Fiona at someone but what's the threat? If you don't do what I say you'll be drooled on or I'm gonna make you change this diaper? You can be held up as an example. You can be refereed to. You can be sited. You can not be brandished.

Ya Learn Somethin' New Every Day

Dancing with a baby is pretty much the funnest thing ever AND it's good exercise.

For Michelle

Stuck in my head for days

"This is the man that I plan to entangle isn't he fine?
My claim to fame was to mame and to mangle vengeance was mine".

Buffy was my all time favorite show. I miss it so very much.

Almost as Good as Pictures of Myself

On Wednesday when Dave brought Fiona to work one of our coworkers who is also a photographer took some really great pictures of her. Here are just a few. The one with the scrunchy face is so very Fiona. She's also going to take some family portraits for us in a couple weeks. Here's a link to her site if you are looking for a photographer or just want to admire a creative person.

http://www.momentarybliss.com/

Evil Dead the Musical

I'm a fan of Musicals. Yeah I know that's not really considered cool these days but you see pop music sucks so much ass. I also have a deep affection for B-movies. Evil Dead and it's aptly names sequel Evil Dead 2 are excellent examples of the genre (but NOT Army of Darkness it is a world of badness). So after Once More With Feeling (if you get that reference you can be my new best friend) Evil Dead the Musical is probably the best combination you could come up with if you wanted me to watch. It's coming to the Campbell theatre (so appropriate) in Martinez but sadly I probably won't get to see it. I don't think I can talk Dave in to taking me and I don't think I know anyone else who would want to go. If you see it please let me know how it was.

Interesting piece of trivia (if you happen to be a weirdo like me): There was an English musical called Return to the Forbidden Planet that I guess kinda fizzled and didn't make it across the Atlantic to Broadway but it did win the Olivier award which is the British equivalent to a Tony. You know what it was up against & beat? Miss Saigon. My parents found a framed poster for it at an auction and it's hanging in my room. If you've seen it let me know what you thought of that too.

Um if you've seen both maybe we should start hanging out particularly if you got the Once More With Feeling thing. I've got a poster for that one too.

http://espanol.clasificadossanfrancisco.univision.com/Events/evil_dead_the_musical/clasificados/ViewAd?oid=1481352

They got a Pepper bar

Apparently I was one of the 4 people in the world who loved the Spongmonkey commercials for Quiznos. Of coarse they didn't make me want the product so maybe that's why they pulled them. I also really loved the one about the coupons "Subs are a dollar off when you bring in a coupon for things to eat, or oil changes, or pony rides, or for hair plugs". Hair plugs good stuff. I totaly want a Spongmonkey shirt.

I can't ride a bike

Weird hu? Seriously I just never learned. When I tell people they always say "but you can still learn" and I'm like "Why? I can drive now."

The Mama bear in me

Last night I had a dream that's funny in the light of day but at the time it was terrifying. It seemed very very real at the time.

It was the middle of the night and the phone rang. I answered and it was my Mom she said something that sounded like it came out of a fortune cookie (I don't remember what) and asked if it was okay for her to put it in her book (don't ask). I was understandably confused as this was a strange thing for her to call me in the middle of the night and ask. I replied irritably that I couldn't care less. She continued to talk in a very worried tone but what she was saying was gibberish and as I woke up more I started to worry that there was something wrong with her like a stroke. The phone cut off due to a low battery and I got up to go get the other hand set out of the kitchen and call her back and hopefully get my Dad on the phone to tell him something was wrong with Mom. As I turned the corner in to the kitchen I saw a stranger standing in front of our open refrigerator eating our food. I demanded to know who she was (sorry the exact dialog is fuzzy but I'm pretty sure I used quite a bit of profanity) she told me she was a junkie (she was dressed as a hiker backpack & all) and she broke in to peoples houses for food and messed with their stuff (I think it had to do with licking everything ewwww). I demanded to know how she got in because I knew I'd locked the doors she smirked and said the downstairs wasn't locked. I told her we don't have a downstairs and then realized she meant she'd come in by going under the house and then I got really pissed, like Hulk pissed, Loreanna Bobbit pissed, Mama Bear pissed. The access to under our house is in Fiona's closet and I knew this woman had been in my daughters room, had stood over my baby while she slept with bad intentions. I grabbed her by the throat and screamed for Dave to bring the gun because we had an intruder that needed killing.

two things I now know

1. I would kill to protect Fiona
2. We need to put a lock on the trapdoor that leads under the house.

That made my day

Fiona had her 6 month check up this morning. Poor thing had to get more shots. We alternate taking her to the Dr. so neither of us always has to be the bad guy and this time it was Dave's turn. After she'd had a nap he brought her in to our office to visit. Just about everyone made the same 3 comments.

#1. She looks just like Dave (she really does)
#2. She looks like the Gerber baby
#3. She's so happy and/or mellow

I miss her so much during the day. Getting to see her for a little bit made me insanely happy. And she was clearly happy to see me too which is gratifying.

This gave me a happy

A celebration of the spork at mightygoods.

http://mightygoods.com/features/spork-roundup

None of my business and TMI for you but...

I was in the bathroom at work and there was someone in the next stall and although I wasn't listening I couldn't help hearing the distinctive sounds of the unwrapping of a feminine hygiene product (you know what I'm talking about). I didn't think anything of this as you hear it all the time in women's restrooms. What I did notice is the occupant of that stall left the restroom without washing their hands. This kinda creeps me out at the best of times sine you're going to go around touching things I may come in contact with. But when your hands were making actual contact with your personal area you'd think you would want to clean them before you ate or scratched your nose or anything.

Yeah I know I should probably change the description of this blog from random thoughts and pointless musings to things that annoy me since that's what it's been recently. I mention all these things because I don't think I'm alone in wanting a germ free (or at least germ minimal), polite, well spoken society. Am I wrong?

Imposing my taste on a deffenseless baby

I found a site called Psychobaby through a link on baby center and they have the most awesome baby clothes. I get a little annoyed that all the baby clothes I find are kinda the same & why oh why is everything pink?

Side note: Whenever I asked that while I was pregnant all these otherwise intelligent women would say "just you wait, all little girls love pink" but then when I pointed out that I never have & I was always a girly girl they would admit that they never liked it either so really that argument has no merit.

Pink is a perfectly good color. I occasionally wear it myself and some people (one of my 4 sisters in law in specific) love it. Personally I tend to like darker colors; green, blue, and red (particularly wine colors) look good on me. My daughter seems to be attracted to dark blue. My point is just that I'd like to see baby girl clothes in other colors too.

Any way here's a link to the site if you too would like something a little different/cool for your baby. http://www.psychobabyonline.com/site/epage/34818_533.htm

I totally covet this http://www.psychobabyonline.com/site/psychobaby/productdetail.exc?cmd=view_prod&isApp=true&page=1&co_id=533&item_id=61388&prod_id=2164 but sadly it's out of my price range.

Thinking

You know that phrase about walking a mile in someones shoes? It would only work if you wore the same size.

Even if your not a newscaster it's better not to use a word if you don't know what it means.

I just overheard someone complaining about another persons behavior and stating "she should at least brandish him."

Thank you websters on line

Main Entry: 1bran·dish
Pronunciation: \ˈbran-dish\
Function: transitive verb
Etymology: Middle English braundisshen, from Anglo-French brandiss-, stem of brandir, from brant, braund sword, of Germanic origin; akin to Old English brand
Date: 14th century
1 : to shake or wave (as a weapon) menacingly
2 : to exhibit in an ostentatious or aggressive manner

I think the word she was looking for is admonish

Awwww Maaaaan

Apparently Hot Pockets no longer make the Pot Pie Express pockets. I was hoping the store near me had just stopped carrying them. That sucks they were so yummy.

Something that annoys me

If you are going to pursue a career in broadcasting you should have a good working knowledge of the English language. I hear newscasters using poor grammar often. They also frequently use words incorrectly or sometimes the completely wrong word.

Example: There's currently a huge fire near the Napa/Solano line which is causing the whole bay area air quality issues. We live in Solano so we've been following the story closely. Last night the newscaster was saying that they now have the fire 60% under control "so it's all but diminished".

Thank you websters on line

Main Entry: di·min·ish

Pronunciation: d&-'mi-nishFunction: verb

Etymology: Middle English deminishen, alteration of diminuen, from Anglo-French diminuer, from Late Latin diminuere, alteration of Latin deminuere, from de- + minuere to lessen -- more at MINORDate: 15th centurytransitive verb

1 : to make less or cause to appear less

2 : to lessen the authority, dignity, or reputation of : BELITTLE

3 : to cause to taper

intransitive verb

1 : to become gradually less (as in size or importance) : DWINDLE

2 : TAPER

synonym see DECREASE

- di·min·ish·able /-ni-sh&-b&l/ adjective

- di·min·ish·ment /-m&nt/ noun

As the fire was now under greater control it WAS diminished. I think she meant to say it was all but extinguished. Learn the language people less you appear here to be made fun of for the amusement of half a dozen readers. That'll teach em.

It's called good manners

There are some common etiquette mistakes guests make. Here's one that seemed very appropriate to me.

Etiquette Violation #7: Failure to appreciate that the host and hostess have spent time, money and effort on your behalf. Though the host may try to dismiss it as "I was cooking anyway," the clever guest knows that this is not all true. Hostesses plan for the individual needs of their guests. They plan for the number of guests and types of guests and carefully match personalities. Even if they enjoy entertaining (which I do), that doesn't make it effortless.
This means that last-minute cancellations should only be done in the case of the aforementioned medical emergency, with a few other exceptions. But certainly not in the case of another invitation, laundry to do, work to finish or when "something came up".

Here's the link if you'd like to find out if you are guilty of the other seven common mistakes.

http://www.aish.com/family/heart/Guest_Etiquette.asp

I'm thinking I will NOT be planing any parties in the near future.

Champagne taste

A few years back my grandmother gave me her silver because she'd bought herself a new set. I only use it one or twice a year so it wasn't until yesterday when I decided to polish it that I noticed it wasn't all the same pattern. I was thinking that maybe someday I'd buy the missing pieces to make a complete set of matching silver. I decided I liked the pattern that had a kind of flower on the end (I thought it looked like a sunflower but it's apparently a chrysanthemum) and when I got to the dessert knives (which I'd never used) I found the makers mark.....Tiffany.....oh......yeah I guess I won't be completing that set any time soon.

http://www.tiffany.com/Shopping/Item.aspx?sku=10070902&mcat=148207&cid=297597&search_params=s+5-p+11-c+297597-r+-x+-n+6-ri+-ni+0-t+

Stuck in my head

Ren: My friend to the end, which I hope is soon.

Stimpy: He hopes is soon.

Ren: Has a head full of air.

Stimpy: A head full of Air?

Ren: Like a toy balloon.

Stimpy: Aaaaaaah! A balloonhead wow! What a great thing to be. You always say the nicest things to me.

Ren! You're a fool!

Stimpy: But I think you're cool.

Both: You're the friend for me.

Personal Insight

It's not so much that I don't like change, it's more that I like what I'm familiar with.

Fighy for your right to party

Six months ago today I was in the hospital. I was very nervous. I'd never had a tooth pulled, broken a bone, had stitches, or really had any serious procedure and here I was waiting for surgery. While we waited for the Dr. to arrive we watched Maury Povich doing paternity tests. They always have trouble giving me an IV not sure why I'm just unlucky that way. The poor nurse this time got a defective needle and the part that was supposed to detach wouldn't so she had to start all over and give me a second one in a different part of my arm. Soon enough the Dr. arrived and they wheeled me in to surgery. It was very surreal they gave me the spinal block so I couldn't move the lower half of my body and I was laying all naked spread eagle while the staff wandered around doing their jobs not caring in the lease that this was just a little awkward for me. They brought Dave in and sat him on a stool next to my head. The surgery started and next thing I knew there was a gooey baby having fluids sucked out of her lungs so she could breathe. I guess my blood pressure dropped because I started feeling dizzy and seeing spots but they gave me something to take care of it before I even had a chance to tell them. They took Fiona and put her in an oxygen tent and Dave went with her and took me in to post op I was so happy and completely oblivious to the fact that she and I had each had a scary moment there. Needless to say we were both fine in the end.

Were celebrating the anniversary by throwing an 80's party tonight. Okay actually we picked the date of the party before I realized it was her 6mo birthday but still a fun way to celebrate. Now that she's up from her nap we have to go buy Rum. Happy Saturday to you all. Fiona I love you.

Makes my head hurt

I was heating up a snack in the kitchen at work and looking around at the various unexciting things there when I spotted a bottle of Non-Ultra Joy. Hmmmm I think I can tell the Joy corp a good way to save money on ink.

Hope I die before I get old

The oldest person (verified) to live was 122 years old when she died. 122?! I don't plan on going any time soon. I want to see my kid(s) grow up and I'd like to meet my grandchildren but I don't want to be 122. Even if I keep all my faculties until I die I think I'd run out of things to do (see my list to the left).

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Oldest_people

Scene: Fiona and I come outside to greet Dave when he comes home from the store

Dave: Hi baby girl! What are you doing?

Me: She's kicking it old school.

Dave: (to Fiona) Are you kicking it old school baby girl?

Me: I don't actually know what that means. (hang my head in mock shame)

We all return inside. The end!

My inner drag queen

I love wigs. I own 3. I almost never wear them because they are all colors that wouldn't ever happen in nature. I also love cats. I've pretty much had one (or more) all my life. If I had an extra $50 I would so shop here.

http://kittywigs.com/wigindex.html

Totaly inappropriate work place IM conversation

Me: There's chocolate on my boob

Dave: Sweet

Me: Exactly

And the world just keeps getting better

They came and fixed our AC. YAAAAAAAY!!!!!! Now maybe we'll all be able to sleep a little better. Poor baby girl was very unhappy the last few nights.

It's a small world

Too cool! I was catching up on my blog reading and Mighty Girl had some pic she'd taken of Gay couples getting married in SF so because I'm a girl & I like wedding pictures I was taking a look when BAM there's a couple I know. Richard & Kurt are friends of my Dad's & were guests at my wedding a few years back. Any way whatever you opinion of gay marriage (personally I don't have an issue with it but you're allowed to have your own opinion) it's fun to find people you know like that. Here is a link to Mighty Girl (I'm still not sure of the etiquette but I hope it's okay) and a link to another pic my Dad sent me when I called him to tell him what I found.

http://mightygirl.com/

http://news.yahoo.com/nphotos/Same-sex-marriage-begins-Calif-Beverly-Hills-Courthouse-Jewish-wedding-ceremony-Beverly-Hills2C-California/ss/events/wl/061003cagaymarriage/s:/csm/20080617/ts_csm/achurchgay#photoViewer=/080618/480/345c50bd043a4ac4953c9404867f4fdf

Mothers and Daughters

Fiona and Me

Me and Mom

So Insomnia We Meet Again

It's been a bad week. Our solar panels broke so they had to send a part out for repair. The Air conditioner broke so they have to order a new part. The TV broke and they've replaced the broken part but we can't hook it back up yet because it's too big for Dave to lift alone & I'm not strong enough to help him lift it up to where it needs to be. Because we have no air conditioning I can't sleep and I can't go out in the living room and watch tv because the tv doesn't work. I've been grieving for my friends who lost a baby. Their loss also makes me think about the baby we lost last year and then I feel guilty because their tragedy is not about me. Add to all that some unfair criticism of my parenting and house keeping skills and the every day stresses of a to do list that's too long and a bank account that's too small and you have the recipe for a Dani meltdown. I can't wait for Friday.

We're #1

I know what a third word country is and I assume places like the USA are considered first world (although I've never heard anyone use the term) but what's a second world country?

This morning whille getting ready for work

I was ready first so I went and got Fiona out of bed and brought her in to our room to see Daddy.

Dave: You know what I'm gonna have for breakfast little baby?

(smile from baby girl)

Dave: Baby belly (grabs Fiona and begins eating belly) nom nom nom nom

Fiona: Giggle giggle squeal gurgle

so cute!

About my bathroom habits

You know you've been wondering.

At work I have a preferred stall. Do other people do this? I try not to use handicapped stalls because I feel guilty. So that leaves 2 regular stalls. I try to use the one in the middle because I have the (probably incorrect) idea that the one next to the wall is smaller.

At home I close the door even if no one's home. Partly out of habit and partly because if I don't my dogs will stand in the doorway and stare at me which creeps me out. On the other hand the cat follows me in to the bathroom all the time and this doesn't bother me at all. I'm not sure what this says about me.

Ewwww

Okay I admit I like cardigans but....

http://cgi.ebay.com/M-BUNNY-FIGURINES-THEME-SWEATER-WOMENS-DESIGNER-NWT_W0QQitemZ220245231359QQihZ012QQcategoryZ63866QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/M-APPLE-ORCHARD-FIGURINES-THEME-SWEATER-WOMENS-NWT_W0QQitemZ220245231810QQihZ012QQcategoryZ63866QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/M-PET-SHOW-CATS-THEME-SWEATER-WOMENS-DESIGNER-NWT-21_W0QQitemZ220245232855QQihZ012QQcategoryZ63866QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

I heart Ebay #2

Ebay has got to be the best place to window shop on the web because they have a little bit of everything. This morning I'm looking at vintage clothing. What strikes me as odd is how much underwear is listed. I mean I understand a petticoat or maybe a slip but panties? My personal fashion (at least for work) does have a bit of a 50's-60's retro vibe. I have the rite type of figure for pencil skirts and cardigans and I like to wear pearls and heals but underneath it all I'm wearing modern foundation garments. Used underwear? Or even new they're Grannie panties and bullet bras. That is dedication to a look.

Fashion

If I'm gonna affect a 50's look I need more eyeliner.

Must be a brain tumor

Is it weird that I've had the title of a movie I've never seen stuck in my head all weekend? Who gets a movie title stuck in their head?

To David

While I was pregnant I wondered what kind of father Dave would be. Would he be the type who didn't change a diaper, would he be jealous, would he worship her and make me be the bad guy? Turns out he's the same type of father as he is husband. Considerate and affectionate but not smothering. He gets up and feeds her when it's his turn. He puts her in the baby bjorn and takes her for walks with the dogs. He dresses her, changes diapers, and feeds her yams. Fiona loves him. Dave is the very best partner I could ask for in this child rearing process. Happy Fathers Day.

I cry easliy these days

In Fiona's first few days of life the only way she would sleep is if one of us was holding her. Within about a week she would sleep in the pack n play if one of us slept on the couch next to her and before she was a month old she was spending the nights in her crib. While her nighttime sleeping improved quickly she still had a hard time napping during the day unless one of us was holding her. I used to spend the time in her room watching DVDs while she slept in my arms. We knew this had to change and tried various things to get her to nap in the crib but failed miserably. Secretly I enjoyed it. Holding her tiny warm body. Knowing that she slept on me because she felt safe. About a month ago we went to Alabama and stayed with Dave's parents for about ten days. Suddenly she got it. She would take naps of an hour or more in the crib. I wondered if this would change when we got home but she had no trouble napping any more.

Today when she woke up from her second nap I brought her out to the couch and gave her a bottle. While she was eating she feel asleep again. I should have returned her to her crib but I didn't. She's growing so fast. Any day now she's going to start crawling and talking then walking and running. So I held her like I used to and for at least that hour she was still my baby.

Let me be serious for a moment

Last year I had a miscarriage. That and my brother's death are the two most traumatic events of my life. I still grieve for the baby I'll never know. It's one of those things that no one talks about until it happens to you and then you find out how many people you know have also lost a child. People say all kinds of unintentionally hurtful things like "These things happen for a reason" or "you can have another baby". They want to help but they can't. On top of the grief you feel guilt. You wonder if something you did caused this or if there was something you didn't do that could have prevented it. Possibly the worst of all is the fear that you'll never be able to successfully carry a baby. When you do get pregnant again it's tarnished by the fear that you'll lose this one too. You're afraid to love this baby and have your heart broken again and then when you inevitably wind up falling in love you feel guilty as if this were an insult to the memory of your first child.

A couple I care very much about are going through this rite now. I would do anything in the world to make it better for them but I don't have that power. I will be there for them if they need me. To listen and not give them meaningless platitudes or tell them stories of how it worked out for me or others. Those stories don't help. They won't bring back this baby that they wanted so much.

If you have children hold them close and know how lucky you are. If you have lost a child know that you do not suffer alone. If you ever know someone who is going through this be there when they need a listener or someone to cry with them.

Now I gotta pee

I wouldn't expect a blog about public restrooms to make me tear up or look forward to potty training but that's what today's guest post on dooce did. I'd put a link but I'm not sure what the etiquette is and I don't want to piss off the queen as I am way not in that league. Any way she's got a great site and is my favorite blog to read & I highly recommend it.

P.S. Don't be fooled by the association of today's bathroom blog and the word dooce. It is not a blog about poo...usually.

Conversation with a friend

Me: I got Fiona a bat costume for Halloween. I love me some bats.

R: Oh Sweet! I love me some bats too.

Me: Bats are cool. I would totally have one as a pet but Dave won't let me

R: What if you accidentally "found" a bat?

Me: Hmmm. Maybe someday when we don't already have six pets. Plus they might try to eat each other.

R: That is true. You don't want to incite a bunny-bat fight

Me. No that would be.....actually if I televised it I could make bank!

R: I know I'd pay to see that. Could be the cock fights of the new millennium

Me: Yeah I'll have to think this through.

R: It's one of those ideas that sounds good in theory, but really neither of us would want to see a bunny and a bat do anything but snuggle and give each other baths

Me: Now that sounds like porn.

Fiona's still pissed but I'm mildly placated

Amazon has redeemed themselves sort of. They have reshipped 2 of the 3 items and upgraded them to overnight so I'll get them in time for Fathers Day. The final item was out of stock so they issued me a refund. Unfortunately that was the one that was for Dave. Oh well Fiona can just get him one for Christmas. I'll let her claim the other items I've already received that were going to be from me.

Honey may get you flies but dick nose gets you upgraded shipping.

Veteran Status

Fiona has this thing where she won't sleep very well if she's not wrapped up tightly with her arms pined to her sides. This was not really an issue until recently because we had these things called swaddlers which were kinda like a cross between a blanket and a straight jacket for babies. Unfortunately Fiona's now to big for them and escapes from them Incredible Hulk style which causes her to wake up which in turn causes us to wake up. While she learns to sleep without being bound like a mummy we're trying a few alternatives. Last night I put her in this thing called a sleep sack that's pretty much what it sounds like, a sack with sleeves but in an attempt to keep her arms in check I didn't put them in the sleeves and tucked the empty sleeves behind her. When I went in to her room around 2 am because she woke up she had managed to get her left arm all the way in to the sleeve this made 2 impressions on me. First marvel at the evidence that she is clearly a genius, not even six months old and mastering one of the basics of dressing herself. Second with the other sleeve empty and tucked neatly away she looked like the worlds smallest injured veteran this made me sad.

BTW if my posts seem extra incoherent or angry today that's 'cause for the second night this week I only slept for about 3 hours last night. This was not Fiona's fault I just couldn't get my brain to turn off.

Fiona I'd like to apologize for passing on all my weird sleep issues. On the up side someday when asked to tell your first grade class about your family you'll be able to say, "I have Daddy's eyes and Mommy's insomnia." Love ya baby girl.

Stories about people who come to our door unasked

Dave's twin brother used to be our roommate. No they are not identical. Yes I would know the difference even if they were. No they are both good guys and would not try to do anything as slimy as that. (Not sure why people ALWAYS ask that). Back to my story. Our house used to be the party house. Jello shots flowed freely and there was always someone sleeping on our couch. One Sunday morning five or six of us were in the living room comparing hangovers when the doorbell rang. The dogs began barking in that earnest "get away from my house" bark that only adolescent dogs can manage. Dave's brother looked out the peephole grabs the dogs by the collars and asks if someone can open the door. I assumed it was someone we knew so I opened the door. Instead I see two terrified holly rollers. I glare at them with all the irritation I can muster, which was considerable as irritation is actually one thing a hangover is good for. The one on the right asks, "What kind of missionary eating dogs do you have in there?". I glanced at Sammy and Gambit who are hidden from their view behind the door reply, "Big" and slam the door in their faces.

Fiona's bed time is 8:00. Tuesday night at 8:45 while Dave is trying to get her to sleep the doorbell rings which causes the dogs to bark although their style is more going through the motions these days. The combination of doorbell and dogs of coarse wakes the baby right up. I storm out to the living room pulling my robe on because I was already in bed watching TV fling the door open and scream in the face of the sales person so rude as to ring a door bell at 8:45, "Are you kidding me? You just woke the baby!" and again slammed the door in his face before he has a chance to get out more than "Oh uh..."

As you may have noted I'm not a fan of sales people. Whether their selling siding or God. Because of this I want to put up a sign that says.

No soliciting.
We have dogs and guns.

It's a statement of fact. If you feel threatened by it perhaps you should not ring my doorbell.

Now Amazon's really starting to piss me off

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The Watter Horse: Legend of the Deep

I watched the end of this in the car on the way to work this morning. I liked it. It was a pretty good family film, made me cry (in a good way). Of course I'm Scottish so I think believing in Nessie is a cultural imperative. I totally want one now but after the bunnies Dave's never going to let me have another exotic pet. In this case I concede that we don't have a convenient loch to keep it in. We don't even have a pool.

Sorry ladies he's taken

Ok we got a little silly but it kinda came out cool. It would have been better if he'd had a cigarette and/or a leather jacket. My man is a badass!

Musical Psycology

The top 25 most played songs on my ipod (I've had it for not quite 3 years)

1. Nobody's Listening-Linkin Park
2. Santeria-Sublime
3. What I got-Sublime
4. Sing for Your Supper-Cass Eliot
5. These Boots are Made for Walking-Nancy Sinatra
6. The Boxer- Me First & the Gimme Gimme's
7. Please Mr. Postman-The Marvalettes
8. The Times They are A-Changin- Me First & the Gimme Gimme's
9. Killing Me Softly With his Song- The Fugees
10. Wonderful World-Sam Cooke
11. You Baby-The Mama's and the Papa's
12. Crusin-Smokey Robinson
13. 1985-Bowling for Soup
14. Squeeze Box-The Who
15. Faint-Linkin Park
16. Yakko's Universe-Animaniacs
17. In the End-Linkin Park
18. You Gave your Love to Me Softly-Weezer
19. Feeling This-Richard Cheese
20. No Rain-Blind Mellon
21. One Fine Day-The Chiffons
22. Just Like Heaven-The Cure
23. Angel of Harlem-U2
24. Yakko's World-Animaniacs
25. Good Riddance (Time of Your Life)-Green Day

I'm a little surprised at the results. I mean my favorite song didn't make the list. By the way It's Danny's Song as performed by Me First and the Gimme Gimme's.

regret

I suddenly have to urge to move to New York and be all fashionable. Not possible what with being married with a house and child an all. Also I'm kinda cheap.

Healty eating is not so much my favorite thing

I'm female so of coarse I spend far more time than is productive thinking about my weight/figure. This behavior has gotten even more pronounce since I had Fiona and I'm trying to loose the baby weight. In general I have a pretty healthy diet but I have the occasional thing that tastes good but is terrible for me. Life is just to short ya know?

However Dave has been dieting too. I'm very proud of him at last count he'd lost 13 pounds. So we're both eating super healthy low fat low cal diets and it's starting to kill me. I want a cheeseburger, I want cookies, I was something chocolaty and gooey with a bazillion calories.

The question is which do I want more, to get in to my old clothes or to eat yummy badness?

Happy Fathers day

When we were at my parents house last night I was telling my Dad that if you google certain combinations of words you get this blog & how cool I thought that was. I also explained that if you Google presidential bikini you get over 350,000 hits which we both found funny. I then went on to inform him that if you google his name you find the minutes for a meeting for a group they belong to. This was apparently stunning news. My Dad had never self googled. WHAT?! I thought everyone did that. I google every one I know, it's funny. Most of the time it doesn't turn out to be the person you actually know but who cares. Dad spent a happy half hour googaling himself and others. I was so glad I could make his day. If you've never self googled I highly recommend it.

UPDATE: I just found out that if you google the title of my blog it's the #1. It didn't used to be. I'm so pleased. I also found out that if you google desk monkey you get 555,000 hits. Sweet!

I heart Ebay

Did you know there was a section in Ebay marked Weird stuff? I didn't enjoy some fun items I found today.

http://cgi.ebay.com/WILL-WORK-FOR-FOOD-HANDMADE-CARDBOARD-SIGN-W-SOAP_W0QQitemZ260249307320QQihZ016QQcategoryZ1469QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/ONE-NEW-RUBBERBAND_W0QQitemZ250255438611QQihZ015QQcategoryZ1467QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/SMELLY-CATS-USED-HAIR-BRUSH-5-Days-Only_W0QQitemZ160249731575QQihZ006QQcategoryZ1469QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

http://cgi.ebay.com/Baseball-Glove-shaped-potato_W0QQitemZ320259637098QQihZ011QQcategoryZ1467QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

This is what I was talking about

In my Amazon.com recommendations they suggested a black leather naughty nurse outfit. This is strange but when I look at why it states because I said I owned a blue Pyrex dish. I was unaware that blue Pyrex baking dish equated to fetish wear.

No sliced tomatoes for you

On the radio this morning there was a story about contaminated tomatoes. They mentioned that McDonald's will not be serving sliced tomatoes until further notice they will however continue to serve grape tomatoes on their salads. Are there any items on the McDonald's menu that have sliced tomatoes? I can't think of any and a Google search did not clear up this mystery.

Watership Down by Richard Addams

The name is misleading. To me it sounds like it should be about some Naval battle. Perhaps this is because as an American I don't use the term down to describe topography and if I were to name a location I'd probably go with grassy or some other adjective. It's actually a book about a group or rabbits who leave their Warren to go start a new one and the various events that happen to them. It sounds very simple but it's simple in the way any struggle for basic existence is simple. In the end you are left with a new perspective on nature. It makes Rabbits majestic. It is one of my favorite books. I've read it over and over. I used to have a copy but my rabbits ate it.

On the way home last night

Me: (reading sign on van with alarming purple paint job) Elegant Illusions Entertainment. (Turn to Dave) Strippers?

Dave: Yep

pause

Dave: Or they fool you in to thinking it's strippers but it's really a magician.

Me: Or strippers who do magic. "Watch me pull a rabbit out of my..."

Dave: Pop

You're not fooling anyone

I was in a public restroom doing what you do in restrooms when someone comes in and goes in to the stall next to me. I can hear her talking on her cell phone and I'm marveling at this behavior. I've seen it before but it just seems weird to me that you can't wait 2 minutes either to make your call or to pee. I finish, flush, and leave the stall. As I was my hands I hear her saying " No, no I'm not. That wasn't me" and I realize the person she's speaking to heard me flush and now the bathroom talker is trying to deny that she's talking from the bathroom. Makes me want to go back in the stall and flush repeatedly.

Job well done TSA

On our way home from a cruise the TSA agent who was shepherding us through security said that my ticket had been randomly flagged for additional screening and herded me in to a separate screening area. There were other passengers also receiving additional screening so I had to wait in line. While standing there the tall gentleman in front of me turned around and smiled in commiseration and I could see by his collar that he was a priest. I could also now see around him to the 5 foot tall 90 pound 700 year old man they were currently searching. It occurred to me that they couldn't possibly find 3 less threatening people.

The search process was oddly amusing. The underwire in my bra set off the metal detecting wand so a female TSA agent had to be called over to manually confirm that it was indeed a bra and my boobs were not actually explosives.

The next step was to have my carry on items hand searched. I stood mutely as my personal items were handled by a stranger. When he found the miniature sombrero he looked at me in question "It's for my cat." I explained.

Where did that come from?

Why did I just feel a sudden blast of cold air? The nearest outside door is 5 stories below me.

Not caring if your cool is what makes you cool...right?

Hmmm so far today I've come across several off hand comments implying that to have a Golden Retriever or a Labrador is the mark of dull married life on par with having a minivan. We have one of each ( a golden & a lab not a minivan). I'm not sure if I should be offended or worried. We had the dogs long before we were married. Does it make it cooler that Gambit is named after one of the X-Men? I make no apologies for Sammy, I didn't name her.

It's a sickness

I just thought "You know what I haven't done for a while that would be fun? Jury Duty." The scary part is I wasn't being sarcastic.

I can't believe I did that

Yesterday I had Fiona on my lap when Dave pointed out a red spot on her forehead. I thought it might be a smudge of baby food so I licked my finger and tried to wipe it off but it turned out she had scratched herself. Dave and I both said oh well and returned to what we were doing. A minute passed before I realized what I'd done. I'D LICKED MY FINGER AND TRIED TO CLEAN MY CHILD'S FACE! I'm such a Mom but in a bad way.

Our fortunes from lunch

Mine: Someone close to you will soon make you happy

Dave's: You are exceptionally good with your hands


Sweet!

Campaign promise

If I'm elected president I'll take my secret service guards cool places, like water parks.


Nuh ha ha presidential bikini ha ha ha (childish laughter)

There are many things that confuse me about this scene

We were paying for parking at lunch time at Bay Street in Emeryville when we heard a siren blip (ya know when they only turn it on for a second) so of coarse we rubber necked. It was a bunch of runners carrying a torch with a police escort. The first thing I thought was "cool it's the torch!" but then I said "Shouldn't the torch be lit?" then I remembered that #1 the Olympic torch had already come through the bay area a couple months ago and #2 it wouldn't be in Emeryville any way. Now I'm full of questions.

Cultural thing

On one of our trips down south (I can't recall if this was in Louisiana or Alabama) we saw a restaurant painted bright pink called The Beef Connection.

In SF that wouldn't be a restaurant.


Update I googled it and found out it is in Louisiana. Sadly I couldn't find a picture.

IM conversation w Dave

Me: I guess there's free food down at the yay us party (the building threw themselves a party) but I'm not going on principal. Plus it's probably gross, plus I have issues with communal food.

Dave: Long ass line too

Me: True

Things I'd like to do

I found an idea on another blog suggesting to write a list of things to do before you go & I liked the idea. My list isn't very long yet because I just started it this morning but I think this kind of list should keep growing. It would be terrible to do everything on it and have nothing to look forward to for the rest of your life. Any way feel free to do it yourself & check out Mighty Girl who's blog inspired me.

http://mightygirl.com/

Do you have a moment to talk about baby weight?

I had a very hard time letting go and allowing myself to gain weight when I was pregnant. I was a bit over weight in High School and worked really hard to get down in to the healthy weight range and stay there. These days they are recommending women gain 25-35 pounds during pregnancy. Around the 6 month mark my Doctor told me I was gaining too quickly (I'd already gained 35 pounds). I held it together until we got home then I climbed in bed and cried for a long time. I gained a total of 45 pounds by the time Fiona was born. I've been obsessed with loosing it ever since. As of last Saturday I've only got 12 pounds to go and I'm on track to be down to pre baby weight by September. Which means the 9 months up 9 months down rule seems to be accurate for me. Here's my point although people keep telling me I look good (Dave called me sexy just last night) I don't feel attractive. I know plenty of women who took quite a while to loose their baby weight (My sister in law told me it took her 2 years with her first) or wind up struggling the rest of their lives. I'm not sure why we put this pressure on ourselves and I don't know how to stop it but I know there are a lot of us out there and I just want to say, cut yourself some slack you made any entire human being that makes you pretty damn beautiful.

Down the street from my house last night

Weird dreams about my hair

Last night I dreamed that Gweneth Paltrow made fun of my highlights at a movie premier. I don't currently have highlights but that didn't stop it from pissing me off.

Night before I dreamed that I was at a salon getting my hair cut when the assistant got murdered and then it turned out my hairdresser was a vampire.

I need to make an appointment to get my hair done but now I'm getting nervous.

The Impossible Dream

Last night I finished watching Lost In La Mancha. A documentary about an ill fated attempt to film Don Quixote. Net Flix recommended it because I rented Man of La Mancha. I've seen behind the scenes documentaries before but this was a movie that failed. I felt really bad for the people struggling to make the film. Everything went wrong for them from a flash flood wiping out all their equipment to the star being hospitalized and that was just in the first week of filming. It was a really interesting look at how much work it is to make a movie. I have a new found respect for movies that flop.

True Story of New Orleans

If you spend an evening in the French Quarter you will see women flashing for beads. This is not just at Mardi Gras it's apparently a cultural thing (although the police discourage it). The more ornate and expensive the beads the more your expected to do to earn them. Personally this never appealed to me. I've got great boobs I should get something good for em like an orgasm not some cheap plastic beads. I guess it would be a good way to hook up if you were single though. I've always been in New Orleans with Dave who is familiar with my rate of exchange which is a better deal if you ask me, although he was sweet enough to tell me he didn't mind if I want to flash strangers.

The first time we went to New Orleans about nine years ago Dave's oldest sister joined us for a couple days. One afternoon we'd been out and about and were heading to lunch but she and I needed to stop in the hotel room for some reason I don't recall. Dave waited in the lobby while his sister and I got in the elevator along with another guest of the hotel. The elevator has mirrored walls and I could see this 50 something guy checking us out. After a floor or two of silence he said, "you girls don't have any beads" in a voice which made it clear he was drunk. I agreed that this was true which he apparently took as encouragement and continued, "I've got some in my room you can have."
"No thanks. That's okay." I replied with barely contained laughter.
He looked crestfallen for a minute but then brightened up, "some of them have fruit on them!"
I had to pause for a second to get control of my amusement, "no really thanks." Luckily he got out on the next floor because I lost it. What did he think we were gonna say? "Oh plastic fruit in that case....."

Gender confusion

I really like this costume

http://www.orientaltrading.com/application?origin=page.jsp&namespace=browse&event=link.itemDetails&categoryId=377320&BP=8110&sku=HAF091&cm_mmc=NXTG-_-Halloween-_-Women

but it's the male of the species that's got the pretty colors.

Music

I love music. I used to take voice lessons and I wanted to work in musical theatre. I still sing all the time for my own enjoyment or Fiona's. Generally vocals and lyrics are what attract me to a song although I can appreciate the music itself as well.

We're having an 80's party in a couple weeks so I made a play list on my ipod. I listen to the ipod on shuffle while I work so I've been hearing songs I normally wouldn't listen to. It's occurred to me how hard it is to predict which songs will hold up over time. 18 and Life by Skid Row just not as cool as it once was but Girls Just Wanna Have Fun by Cindy Lauper has become a classic. Some of this is of coarse subjective but I'm pretty sure that if you asked 20 people to list their 50 favorite songs from the 80's (or any era for that matter) you'd find a lot of over lap.

But I still want to be a rock star when I grow up

So yesterday I was reading the Guardian because I have to keep up with my tattoo wearing, body piercing, fetish having brethren (shut up let me have my fantasy) and I see an add for an Ethiopian restaurant. First thing that comes to my mind are feed the children commercials with starving kids that have distended bellies. I look farther down the add it's an all you can eat buffet. Can you say irony?

Edward Monkton

English artist Edward Monkton reminds me a bit of Edward Gorey but not quite so dark. I totally want the Shoe of Salvation print .

http://www.edwardmonkton.com/

Photographers

Photographers cost an insane amount of money so you should get what you pay for. I was very pleased with the photographer at my wedding. He took a bazillion shots and they looked amazing. He was funny, charming, professional, and honest. Pretty much I'd recommend him to anyone looking for a photographer.

http://www.jcbphotos.com/

Jonsein for a fix

Do you think chocolate is actually addictive? 'Cause I crave it daily.

Here's a visual for ya

Picture this, a tall man stalking through an office building carrying a huge knife. Is this a scene from a new horror movie trailer? Nope just Dave taking the utensil to the kitchen at the end of lunch but to co-workers it's a scary moment.

Freaky Weird People

Okay I don't want to make fun of any ones lifestyle (unless I know you personally in which case that's my way of showing affection) but the personals in the guardian crack me up. I'm not talking about the Women seeking Men or the Men seeking Men that's all just single people trying to find someone. I'm talking about the ones with titles like Share your Wife or Mixed Hot Sexy Couple. I'm not saying these people shouldn't explore their fantasy I am saying that if you put that kind of thing in a public forum I'm going to laugh. Maybe I'm juvenile but you are definitely kinky.

Now that is love

Dave is dancing with Fiona to the truly excellent music that her baby swing is playing. I hope she appreciates it because getting that man to dance is like getting a whale to fly. I can probably count the number of times he's danced with me. Watching him with her I'm not at all jealous.

Amazon

I'm a big Internet shopper. I hate going to the mall and I love to just browse things I would totally never buy so the Internet is perfect for me. One of my favorite sites is Amazon.com because you can pretty much buy anything except drugs or weaponry (actually I haven't searched those so...) And I like to look at the recommendations because occasionally they recommend something pretty cool. That's how I found Cannibal the Musical which is an absolutely terrible movie that I love. Most of the time however the recommendations are not something I want for example they recommended an album of Danish Christmas Chants because I said I own Appetite for Destruction. Uh yeah what do those two things have to do with each other? What annoys me is I usually have to mark not interested multiple times (as many as half a dozen) before it will go away. I emailed Amazon about both the weird recommendations and the malfunctioning button but the response I got was pretty much "sorry you aren't happy". Over all I have been very pleased with their customer service but that response was less than helpful.

Conversation in the car this morning

Me: Is it just me or are car names getting lamer?

pause

Dave: Yeah


Okay then, I guess I was rite.

So Proud

This morning Dave pulled up the videos we shot of Fiona in her first few days of life. The video of when she was born, the one of the first time I got to hold her, the day we were leaving the hospital. They brought back all the feelings and emotions so intensely that I started crying. She was so little and now she's so big. The time really does fly by. For her first few months she cried all the time if she wasn't sleeping and we couldn't go any ware or do anything it was just so overwhelming. Then she started sleeping through the night and we started to get a little rest. She started waking up smiling (she still does) and that made the nightly meltdowns not so bad. Now she only gets cranky when she's tired or hungry, she naps on her own, she smiles and giggles all day long, and we can go to the store or to friends house and not have to worry that she'll start crying inconsolably. About an hour ago she rolled over by herself for the first time. I was so proud. She just keeps getting better and better and I am so in love.

3 glasses wine + Empty Stomach = bad morning

Oh goodie my first hangover since I had the baby. Yay.